298 CONFESSIONS OF A TOAB-KATEK. 



selves in, with myself, attended. The employment incidental to those 

 preparations had hitherto kept my mind employed ; but when, for 

 the last time, I went to gaze on the departed, the recollections of the 

 many hours we had passed together, and the thought that in a few 

 days, or at utmost a few years, I should be like him, cold desolate- 

 dead, and perhaps without even one befog to weep over, or regret me, 

 overpowered my feelings, and I sat silent beside his coffin until told 

 the procession was arranged. 



On our return the all important task of opening the will took place. 

 Of course I could not be indifferent to its contents, but I endeavoured 

 to assume as disinterested an air as possible. I was fearful lefct any 

 portion of my conduct might betray an improper feeling of exultation 

 or triumph. I bore the covert congratulations of my friends with an 

 easy indifference, and talked on indifferent subjects to the moment of 

 opening the document. At length Mr. Fingerpenny having opened 

 the document, commenced reading. I could scarcely breathe, for 

 though I knew my poor friend was rich, I did not know the amount 

 of his property. After all the appointments, ordering the sale of all 

 his property, payment of all just debts, funeral expenses, &c., he 

 went oh :- " I give and bequeath to the Society for the Diffusion of 

 Christian Knowledge, 30,000/. ! ! !" My heart swelled ; Fingerpenny 

 proceeded ; " to the British and Foreign Bible Society, 10,OOOZ. ! !" 

 I thought I should have burst. Fool ! fool ! I muttered my blood 

 boiled my teeth chattered a faintness and deafness came over me : 

 at length I caught my own name, and I rallied. He may be richer 

 than I thought, passed over my mind; I may have judged too hasti- 

 ly. How I trembled arid gasped when he read, " To my old and 

 much valued friend, in memorial of an intimacy that has subsisted so 

 many years, and with so much happiness to both, A HANDSOME 

 MOURNING RING, with the BANK NOTE FOR 50/., No. 5422, now in 

 my desk. 



A giddiness overcame me. I heard at intervals the words, "All 

 remainder residue property wheresoever whatsoever trust 

 purpose herein-mentioned," said Executors, Build Hospital, Bible 

 Society. My brain whirled ; I felt a parching thirst, and tottering 

 to the sideboard, I attempted to drink a glass of wine, for my tongue 

 clove to my mouth. I tried to speak, but could not. I could stay 

 no longer. I left the apartment. I hurried through the passage, and 

 in a few moments was in the open air. Had I remained another 

 minute, I should have choked. 



My mind was chaos. I knew not whither I walked or ran, or 

 which way I went. I was far on my way to London j and a chilling 

 darkness had come over me before I recollected the strangeness and 

 abruptness of my departure. I paused, and thought to myself I will 

 not show them what I suffer, and I turned for that purpose ; but 

 no I could not face the sneers of my friends. I again turned my 

 face to town, and hurried to lodgings. 



The remainder of that week I scarcely ate, drank, or slept. Pas- 

 sion, disappointment, and lethargy, alternately succeeded each other, 

 until the ensuing Sunday. This was the first Sunday, for many 

 years, I had passed in town. I dressed myself, but had no where 



