FRAGMENT OF A FAlU'E. 555 



Enter Chipchase and party. 



Confusion seize 'em (rises in great confusion, and tries to conceal the 

 muffin}. 



Chip. I fear we intrude. 



Mount. Not at all. I'm devilish glad to The fact is, I'm just up. 

 I was rather late last night, you must know. After Almack's we 

 adjourned to the Clarendon, and there ha! ha! ha! I told his lord- 

 ship how it would be heigho ! I presume you have breakfasted ? 



Mag. Ay, and dined too, my jewel. 



Mont, (aside). Lucky dogs! 



Mag. But what elegant quarters he has! (Looking round). Oh! 

 murder murder ! 



Doc. So airy too. No doctor wanted ! 



Chip. And, then, the situation ! 



Stan. Ay, that butcher's opposite. 



Mount. Curse your quizzing. I'm a contemptible ass, and there's 

 an end on't. It's no use humbugging you. 'Tis an evil, I grant you 

 a very serious one, and causes much mischief. So much so in- 

 deed, that at this present momenthem that is I mean damn it, 

 the truth's the truth. I have had no dinner none of the Dons invited 

 rne. My poverty kept me from Long's my pride from an eating- 

 house my shame from the club. I'm as hungry as an Esquimaux, 

 and as empty as a poor's-box, and unless I contrive to masticate this 

 particularly tough muffin immediately, I shall die omniverous, like 

 poor Tom Otway, and go to the devil fasting. (Eats greedily). 



All. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 



Mount. I'm sorry I've nothing but cat-lap to offer you. 



Doc. Don't mention it. 



Chip. We're already provided. (Pulls out segars). 



Mag. Tip us a live coal, Doctor. (They smoke). 



Stan. This smacks of the Peninsula. 



Mag. Faith, we'd seldom such quarters. An English garret, let. 

 me tell you . 



Mount. Attic, you might say, if you were civil. 



Mag. Sure it beats a Spanish palace any way, at least in comfort. 

 I was quartered in one once at Cadiz a great gloomy place, Sir, just 

 like a gaol ; and by this same token I might as well have been in 

 one, for I was eat up by the dismals all day, and the fleas by night. 

 You may talk of Damien's bed, my darlings, but by my soul it was- 

 down to mine. 



Chip. Ay, there's no country like England. 



Stan. And no city like London. 



Doc. And no street like Windmill-street. 



Stan. And no place in it like No. 13, fourth pair, front attic. 



Mount. Ay, and you may add, no dinner like a cup of cat-lap and 

 a salted muffin ! 



All. Ha! ha! ha! 



Mount. Ay, you may laugh ; however, I have had no reason to 

 complain. I have east, west, north and south, run the gauntlet 

 through all grades, and feasted upon the million. Three hundred 

 thousand dinners are daily provided here, and many of them have 



