1831.] The Newspaper Office. 171 



delicately situated, the bed-curtains could do no less than share their 

 afflictions with the bed-post the bed-post, like the good Samaritan, 

 sympathized extemporaneously with the door-post the door-post with 

 the wall and the wall with the staircase, until, in the fulness of time, 

 the whole house, from top to bottom, was one broad blazing sheet of 

 fire. The devouring element was a very alderman in appetite, and no 

 epicure, for it swallowed indiscriminately every thing that came in its 

 way. Just at this crisis, when the fire was in the midst of its meal, the 

 apprentice and his master contrived to escape through the shop- window ; 

 but I grieve to add that Mrs. D., who, having supped rather heartily off 

 fried tripe, was suffering under a visitation of the nightmare, rushed 

 out just in time to be knocked down by the three brass balls, which 

 abolished her in the twinkling of a bed-post. 



EDITOR. Was there much of a crowd? 



JOB. Yes, and very select. But I have written down all the parti- 

 culars. 



EDITOR. Good ; and what remuneration do you expect ? 



JOB. Why, Sir, the fire is far above the usual run of such entertain- 

 ments, both as regards the style and brilliancy of its execution. The 

 death alone is worth a guinea. However, as I hope to supply you with 

 many more such contingencies, you shall have it at half-price. 



EDITOR. Good ; and before you go, allow me, my dear Sir, in the 

 most unqualified spirit of esteem, to venture upon one suggestion. You 

 cannot conceive what a favour you would be conferring on our esta- 

 blishment, in these monotonous times, if you would just try your hand at 

 a burglary. You have an excellent capacity, are not without ambition, 

 and may, I think, with a little industry, cut a figure in the newspapers. 

 The Old Bailey is a glorious arena for aspiring genius. 



JOB. You are pleased to be facetious, Sir. 



EDITOR. Facetious, my good fellow ! I never was more serious in my 

 life. There is a certain something in your voice, look, and manner, that 

 tells me you are born to rise in the world. It is a thousand pities that 

 you should thwart the natural bent of your genius. 



JOB. Enough, Sir I understand your hint, and depend on it you 

 shall hear further on the subject. There is such a thing as law, Sir. 



EDITOR. I know there is; you had seven years of it yourself at 

 Botany Bay. 



JOB. How? 



EDITOR. Surely you do not forget the little erratum you made with 

 regard to a gent/s snuff-box, some years since, in the Strand ? 



JOB. This is positively beyond endurance. 



EDITOR. So the gent, thought, and therefore prosecuted you at the 

 Old Bailey. But come, my dear Mr. Allwork, do not let these trifling- 

 reminiscences disturb your equanimity. Flesh is frail, and the very 

 best of us are but bankrupts, so far as morality is concerned. By-the-by, 

 you have started a Sunday newspaper, I hear. Pray how has it been 

 getting on of late ? 



JOB. Very indifferently, until within the last week, when, in conse- 

 quence of a libel which I had penned against a man of fashion, I 

 was lucky enough to get a horsewhipping, which 



EDITOR. Excuse my interruption, Mr. Allwork ; but if, at any time, 

 you should think such an advertisement would be likely to promote the 



Z 2 



