1831.] The Tabernacle, or Sunday in Lunmtn. 409 



That rascal Vanity drives on, 

 The booby ! till liis day is done. 



" First comes the sympathetic friend, 

 Who'll borrow all you have to lend, 

 And stick beside you without fail, 

 Until he sees you lodged in jail ! 



" Or comes some man-catcher from France, 

 With steel-traps writ in every glance ; 

 Slight, simple, owning to seventeen ; 

 Her eyes scarce hinting what they mean ; 

 Her form, face, simper all divine ; 

 Her fortune quite a diamond mine. 

 You stir a passion in her breast 

 1 She'll die before the tale's confest ;' 

 You find her shrinking, sighing, flying 

 In fact, the tender thing's just dying ! 

 She ' dreads your sight, she spurns mankind :' 

 Somehow, her love for you gets wind ; 

 Somehow, at Brighton, Bristol, Bath, 

 She always tumbles in your path'; 

 Till somehow comes some whiskered brother, 

 To swear ' you're fitted for each other.' 

 Or, if you pause about your pledge, 

 You've but to CFOSS next farm-yard hedge, 

 And there youjll find the favourite spot 

 For fickle lovers to be shot. 



" Your stomach scorns the leaden pill ; 

 He asks the deed, and not the will. 

 The deed is done you pop the question 

 (A life may serve for its digestion). 

 The lady smiles, is shocked, submits 

 Not more than twice a day has fits ; 

 Hope> smiling Hope's the lady's doctor 

 Then comes the lawyer, then the proctor ; 

 (Perhaps you'd wish the hangman come, 

 But ( love and rapture' keep you dumb ;) 

 You're wedded. History discovers 

 You've followed half a dozen lovers. 

 Your heiress is a shrew and beggar ; 

 But then her blood's the true McGregor. 

 You've played the blockhead for your life, 

 And gained brats, brawlings, and a wife ! 



ee Now go, ye race of culprits, go 

 Where pitchforks toss ye to and fro ; 

 Where, on the roaring river's brink, 

 Proof aquafortis is your drink ; 

 Where all your beds are burning coals, 

 And all your suppers are fried soles ; 

 Where all alike, from king to shepherd, 

 Are daily grilled and cayenne-peppered ; 

 Where all the liquid at your lunch 

 Is patent oiUof-vitriol punch; 

 Where pure corrosive-sublimate 

 Is sauce for every slice ye eat; 

 Where sulphur forms your table-cloths, 

 And churchwardens prepare your broths; 

 And Fate's consummate vengeance gives 

 To every wretch a dozen wives !" 

 M.M. New Series.-* VOL. XI. No. 64. 3 G 



