MRS. JOSEPH PORTER, < OVEll THE WAY/ 13 



" Oh, it's too ridiculous/' said Miss Porter, with a sort of hyste- 

 rical chuckle. 



" I'll manage to put them a little out of conceit with the business, 

 however," said Mrs. Porter; and out she went on her charitable 

 errand. 



" Well, my dear Mrs. Gattleton, " said Mrs. Joseph Porter after 

 they had been closeted for some time, and when, by dint of inde- 

 fatigable pumping, she had managed to extract all the news about 

 the play ; f ' well, my dear, people may say what they please ; 

 indeed, we know they will, for some folks are so ill-natured. Ah, 

 my dear Miss Lucina, how dy'e do I was just telling your mama 

 that I have heard it said, that " 



" What ?" inquired the Desdemona. 



" Mrs. Porter is alluding to the play, my dear," said Mrs. Gat- 

 tleton ; " she was, I am sorry to say, just informing me that " 



" Oh, now, pray don't mention it," interrupted Mrs. Porter ; " it's 

 most absurd quite as absurd as young what's-his-name saying he 

 wondered how Miss Caroline, with such a foot and ankle, could have 

 the vanity to play Fenella." 



" Highly impertinent, whoever said it," said Mrs. Gatteleton, 

 bridling up. 



" Certainly, my dear." chimed in the delighted Mrs. Porter ; 

 " most undoubtedly. Because, as I said, if Miss Caroline does play 

 Fenella, it doesn't follow, as a matter of course, that she should think 

 she has a pretty foot ; and then such puppies as these young men 

 are; he had the impudence to say, that " 



How far the amiable Mrs. Porter might have succeeded in her plea- 

 sant purpose it is impossible to say, had not the entrance of Mr. 

 Thomas Balderstone, Mrs. Gattleton's brother, familiarly called in 

 the family " Uncle Tom," changed the course of conversation, and 

 suggested to her mind an excellent plan of operation on the evening 

 of the play. 



Uncle Tom was very rich, and exceedingly fond of his nephews 

 and nieces ; as a matter of course, therefore, he was an object of 

 great importance in his own family. He was one of the best- 

 hearted men in existence; always in a good temper, and always 

 talking. It was his boast that he wore top-boots on all occasions, 

 and had never mounted a black silk neck-kerchief; and it was his 

 pride, that he remembered all the principal plays of Shakspeare 

 from beginning to end and so he did. The result of this parrot- 

 like accomplishment was, that he was not only perpetually quoting 

 himself, but that he could never sit by and hear a mis-quotation 

 from " The Swan of Avon," without setting the unfortunate delin- 

 quent right. He was also something of a wag : never missed an 

 opportunity of saying what he considered a good thing, and inva- 

 riably laughed till he cried at anything that appeared to him mirth- 

 moving or ridiculous. 



" Well, girls, well," said Uncle Tom, after the preparatory cere- 

 mony of kissing and how-dy'e-doing had been gone through 

 " how dy'e get on ? Know your parts, eh ? Lucina, my dear, 



