390 THE STATUTES. 



" That's a !" shouted several. 



" Is it ? Bill, I'm man enough for yo any day : come on, I'm yore 

 customer in ony ground e Ingland." 



"If yo mean ought, Ned, turn out an' I'll feight yo for pure love." 



" I've hed enough o' your lip, an' if you'll stan' up I'll just teck a 

 kittle conceit out o' yo." 



" Come on, then : Isaac you'll see fair play. If I hit you fair I'll 

 send yo into th' middle o' next week !" 



" Will you ? but when I hit you I'll meek you believe a horse 

 kicked you !" 



The uproar now " grew fast and furious ;" hats and coats were 

 thrown on the floor, chairs and tables hurled in every direction ; 

 pipes, pitchers, and glasses were no more, for many a heavy hand had 

 " struck flat their thin rotundity !" Peeping above the long settle 

 was the time-wrinkled phiz of mine hostess, " flashing battle from 

 her eyes," and exclaiming, in a shrill treble, " Who's to pay me for 

 my glasses, an' my best blue and white jugs ? Betty ! Betty ! fetch 

 constable Jerroms." 



" He's gone to bed drunk, holf a hour sin," answered Betty, who 

 was in the midst of the fray, clawing Ned's face like a cat, for making 

 her Bill's nose bleed. 



" Soldiers ! soldiers !" screamed the old woman ; " I pay excise, 

 and I discharge you in King George's name to coom an make peace." 



" Let 'em fight it out if they like it !" shouted the military from 

 the parlour, who scorned to interfere in the private quarrels of any 

 gentlemen. 



" O you lobster rouges !" shrieked the old woman, " so you would 

 see all my property destroyed, would you, you warmin ! Help ! 

 help ! they'll knock my house down. Ned Bill Jack Isaac 

 Joe Dick are you going to nock one another o' the heds, all about 

 your silly ploughing ? Help ! help !" 



Bill's elbow had twice tried the strength of the old woman's 

 window, and left her minus two panes, which could not be replaced 

 without sending five miles for a glazier. King Charles's twelve 

 good rules had fallen from the wall in the fray, and, as Jack took it 

 up in his anger, to try the strength of Ned's skull, the first blow 

 proved the old picture to be the softest opening its long-preserved 

 front to admit the turnip-like rotundity of Ned's head, and hanging 

 around his neck, to the great annoyance of his rival's knuckles. 

 Pilgrim's Progress shared a similar fate, being trampled and broken 

 beneath their nailed shoes. Here lay " Doubting Castle" under the 

 long settle, while the " Slough of Despond" was buried among the 

 ashes, and the " Delectable Mountains" scattered like ant-hills. Dick 

 had cut his elbow by falling on a broken glass, while Isaac sat bel- 

 lowing like a bull, for during the contest his feet had intruded them- 

 selves under the grate, from whence issued a red-hot cinder, which 

 had planted itself on his leg, leaving a vacuum in his ribbed stockings, 

 with further inroads. Ladles, warming-pan, bright copper sauce- 

 pans, and numerous cooking utensils, together with a row of goodly 

 brass candlesticks, which decorated the oak-carved mantle-piece, lay 

 crushed and dented on every hand. O, Betty ! hads't thou but 



