THE BOARDING-HOUSE. 



Tibbs. She always called her husband " my dear" before company, 

 Tibbs, \vho had been eating his bread, and calculating how long it 

 would be before he should get any fish, helped the soup in a hurry, 

 made a small island on the tablecloth, and put his glass upon it, to 

 hide it from his wife. 



" Miss Julia, shall I assist you to some fish ?" 



" If you please very little oh, plenty, thank you ;" (a bit about 

 the size of a walnut put upon the plate.) 



" Julia is a very little eater," said Mrs. Maplesone to Mr. Calton. 



The knocker gave a single rap. He was busy eating the fish with 

 his eyes ; so he only ejaculated, " Ah !" 



" My dear," said Mrs. Tibbs to her spouse, after every one else had 

 been helped, " What do you take ?" The inquiry was accompanied 

 with a look intimating that he mustn't say fish, because there was not 

 much left. Tibbs thought the frown referred to the island on the 

 table-cloth ; he therefore coolly replied, " Why I'll take a little 

 fish, I think." 



" Did you say fish, my dear?" (another frown.) 



" Yes, dear," replied the villain, with an expression of acute 

 hunger depicted in his countenance. The tears almost started to 

 Mrs. Tibbs' eyes, as she helped her "wretch of a husband," as she 

 inwardly called him, to the last eatable bit of salmon on the dish, 



" James, take this to your master, and take away your master's 

 knife." This was deliberate revenge, as Tibbs never could eat fish 

 without one. He was, however, constrained to chace small particles 

 of salmon round and round his plate with a piece of bread and a 

 fork, occasionally securing a bit ; the number of successful attempts 

 being about one in seventeen. 



" Take away, James," said Mrs. Tibbs, just as Tibbs had swal- 

 lowed the fourth mouthful and away went the plates like lightning. 



" I'll take a bit of bread, James," .said the poor " master of the 

 house," more hungry than ever. 



" Never mind your master now, James," said Mrs. Tibbs, " see 

 about the meat." This was conveyed in the tone in which ladies 

 usually give admonitions to servants in company, that is to say, a low 

 one ; but which, like a stage whisper, from its peculiar emphasis, is 

 most distinctly heard by everybody present. 



A pause ensued before the table was replenished a sort of paren- 

 thesis in which Mr. Simpson, Mr. Calton, and Mr. Hicks produced 

 respectively a bottle of sauterne, bucellas, and sherry, and took wine 

 with everybody except Tibbs : no one ever thought of him. 



Between the fish and an intimated sirloin there was a prolonged 

 interval. 



Here was an opportunity for Mr. Hicks. He could not resist the 

 singularly appropriate quotation : 



" But beef is rare within these oxless isles ; 



Goats' flesh there is, no doubt, and kid, and mutton, 



And, when a holiday upon them smiles, 



A joint upon their barbarous spits they put on." 



" Very ungentlemanly behaviour," thought little Mrs. Tibbs, " to 

 talk in that way.'' 



