492 THE BOARDING-HOUSE. 



although it is much easier for our lady readers to imagine,, what arts 

 the three ladies could have used, so completely to entangle their 

 separate partners. Whatever they were, however, they were success- 

 ful. The mother was perfectly aware of the intended marriage of 

 both daughters; and the young ladies were equally acquainted with 

 the intention of their inestimable parent. They agreed, however, 

 that it would have a much better appearance if each feigned igno- 

 rance of the other's engagement ; and it was equally desirable that 

 all the marriages should take place on the same day, to prevent the 

 discovery of one clandestine allkr.eo, operating prejudicially on the 

 others. Hence the mystification of Mr. Calton and Mr. Septimus 

 Hicks, and the pre-engagement of the unwary Tibbs. 



On the following morning Mr. Septimus Hicks was united to Miss 

 Matilda Maplesone. Mr. Simpson also entered into a " holy alliance" 

 with Miss Julia, Tibbs acting as father, " his first appearance in that 

 character." Mr. Calton not being quite so eager as the two young 

 men, was rather struck by the double discovery; and as he had 

 found some difficulty in getting any one to give the lady away, it 

 occurred to him that the best mode of obviating the inconvenience 

 would be not to take her at all. The lady however " appealed," as her 

 counsel said on the trial of the cause, Maplesone v. Calton, for a 

 breach of promise, "with a broken heart to the outraged laws of her 

 country." She recovered damages to the amount of 1000/., which 

 the unfortunate knocker was compelled to pay, because he had 

 declined to ring the belle. Mr. Septimus Hicks having walked the 

 hospitals, took it into his head to walk off altogether. His injured 

 wife is at present residing with her mother at Boulonge. Mr. 

 Simpson, having the misfortune to lose his wife six weeks after mar- 

 riage (by her eloping with an officer during his temporary sojourn 

 in the Fleet Prison, in consequence of his inability to discharge her 

 little mantua-maker's bill), and being disinherited by his father, who 

 died soon afterwards, was fortunate enough to obtain a permanent 

 engagement at a fashionable hair-cutter's, hair dressing being a 

 science to which he had frequently directed his attention. In this 

 situation he had necessarily many opportunities of making himself 

 acquainted with the habits and style of thinking of the exclusive 

 portion of the nobility of this kingdom. To this fortunate circum- 

 stance are we indebted for the production of those brilliant efforts of 

 genius, his fashionable novels, which so long as good taste, unsullied 

 exaggeration, cant, and maudlin quackery continues to exist, cannot 

 fail to instruct and amuse the thinking portion of the community. 



It only remains to add, that this " complication of disorders" com- 

 pletely deprived poor Mrs. Tibbs of all her inmates, except the one 

 whom it would have afforded her the greatest pleasure to lose her 

 husband. That wretched little man returned home on the day of the 

 wedding in a state of partial intoxication ; and under the influence 

 of wine, excitement, and despair, actually dared to brave the anger 

 of his wife. Since that ill-fated hour he has constantly taken his 

 meals in the kitchen, to which apartment it is understood his witti- 

 cisms will be in future confined, a turn-up bedstead having been 

 conveyed there by Mrs. Tibbs's order for his exclusive accommoda- 



