650 A CHAPTER ON SIMILES. 



lightful to contemplate the perfection at which these charming arts 

 might arrive, were the practice recommended to be generally adopted ; 

 and as an inducement I shall here subjoin a few unsophisticated 

 similes, collected at random, which, to minds properly constituted, to 

 tastes not yet depraved by a vicious habit of refinement and affected 

 sensitiveness, cannot fail of appearing beautiful. Weary of that per- 

 petual soaring after the sublime, in which the works of our great 

 poets do so abound, and which ends most frequently in unmeaning 

 rant, or miserable affectation, it is refreshing to turn to these pleasant 

 images gushing from the sweet fountains of domestic life, which 

 appeal to universal experience, and make their way irresistibly to the 

 heart. 



Dead as a door-nail. An impressive illustration of foregone exist- 

 ence. The annihilation is complete. 



Busy as a cat in a tripe-shop. This is a bustling, animated, spirit- 

 stirring simile. It conveys a fine illustration of the intense and 

 energetic employment of time. 



To kick up a dust like a goat in a flour-barrel. Strikingly bold and 

 original ! I doubt, however, whether the image presented be not 

 obnoxious to the charge of a slight degree of incongruity. Some 

 authors write " flower-garden" instead of <e flour-barrel ;" but I con- 

 fess I am ever unwilling to sacrifice to a dainty sense of propriety all 

 the fervour and spirit of the original conceptions of genius. 



Proud as a puppy with two tails. This is one of those happy con- 

 ceptions that evince a genius no less lively than profound. One sees 

 in imagination the pert young abortion, most probably a mongrel, 

 turning his supercilious muzzle with a look of wonderful dignity 

 towards his extraordinary appendage. I maintain that this simile 

 conveys a fine moral lesson, worth a thousand homilies. What a satire 

 upon pride ! What a lesson on humility ! 



To look like one who has lost a shilling and found sixpence. A won- 

 derfully ingenious illustration ! How vividly it describes a peculiar 

 and well-known state of the countenance ! How accurately it seizes 

 the moment at which the sour and ascetic look of disappointment 

 yields, though partially, and with reluctance, to some consolatory 

 thought or circumstance, which, without making amends for the mor- 

 tification, limits its duration, or corrects its bitterness. 



To be a chip in porridge, or like a chip in porridge. This is an ob- 

 lique and mischievous libel upon the national food of the Scotch a 

 truly respectable people. I shall say no more about it. Similes 

 should not be made vehicles of illiberality, much less should they 

 foment national prejudices. Wit is wit porridge is porridge. 



To go about like a chicken that has got the pip. Admirably descrip- 

 tive ! The simile applies to that desponding state, not unattended 

 with a sort of restless and fidgetty irritability, to which we find cer- 

 tain individuals liable, who, when they suffer under this affliction, go 

 whining and moping about their houses, scarcely able to raise up 

 their heads, full of some petty grievance, peevish and querulous, 

 out of sorts with themselves and with the world. It is, however, in 

 some cases a physical infirmity, and should be sacred from similes. 

 It yields to gentle aperients. 



