364 The Baron Court of Little Brought -in. 



guages. As they go in they all look as hungry as hawks, and as 

 lank as weasels; but as they come out with their full dishes, and 

 something to drink in their side-pockets, they appear the plumpest 

 and happiest creatures upon earth, and conduct themselves as if their 

 whole lives were spent in merry-making. The cooks and scullions 

 take a pleasure in gratifying both the tastes and the appetites of 

 these beggars, and are understood to have full license to give their 

 own poor relations a share with the rest. The charity of the baron's 

 kitchen is charity indeed, which " thinketh no evil," for many a one 

 gets a good picking there that has been rejected by the parish on 

 the score of illegitimacy ; and it is understood that a great tub of 

 pap or gruel, nicely sweetened, is always kept in readiness for the 

 poor little things that have nobody to look after them. This does 

 great credit to the feelings of the baron and those about him, and it 

 holds the scales of justice so steadily even, that the weight of an 

 elephant could not turn them a hair-breadth either way. The baron, 

 it must be understood, is what is vernacularly termed "the great 

 Billydacus" within all the three manors and their dependencies. In 

 virtue of this he can, whenever he pleases, pardon one human being 

 for putting another out of the world ; and it would be strange indeed 

 if he could not pardon another human being for helping to bring 

 one in. 



It would take a month to enumerate all the fineries and all the 

 commendable things belonging to and growing out of the baron's 

 establishment. There are such squads of lacqueys and such troops of 

 horses always parading before his door; and he cannot so much as 

 blow his nose without a dozen of ladies and as many gentlemen 

 running up to him with the best bandanna handkerchiefs, spick-and- 

 span new out of the shop. So great, indeed, is the expectoration 

 in the baron's establishment, and so vast the number of handkerchiefs 

 thereby required, that the place where they are made is called 

 " Spittle" fields, in honour of the use that is made of the handker- 

 chiefs. 



It would be delightful to enumerate all the fineries, the feastings, 

 and the delicate enjoyments of the baron and his establishment, which 

 make them the admiration and the envy of the whole world. But, 

 in the mean time, we have to do with the court, and we must men- 

 tion the way in which the members of it come by all the fine names 

 that get them so much estimation in their own eyes. We have 

 already noticed how any member of the court would huff, and bully, 

 and threaten, if you did not call him an "honourable gentleman ;" 

 and if you should, which is not impossible, catch him with his hand in 

 your pocket, or, which is more likely, with his hand in the pocket of 

 every man not a member of the court, he would still be quite as 

 honourable a gentleman as ever. 



The next step above the honourable gentleman is the *' right 

 honourable" which does not at all imply that the former is a wrong 

 honourable, but merely that it is a higher degree of honour. They 

 have some very curious degrees of comparison, by the way, in the 

 Baron Court. For instance, they have right simply, which is the 

 same on both sides ; Tighter^ in which the side toward the party using 



