372 The Baron Court of Little Brought-in. 



made by the parish clerks at the bar. The boxes are quite safe, as 

 they are screwed to the table. They are made of good cold iron, 

 and the excited members often hammer out their excess of anima- 

 tion upon them; but they must not give the bangs too hard for fear 

 of their knuckles. A brazen cudgel, with a head as big as a cab- 

 bage, also lies on the table. This belongs to the Chairman ; and if 

 there is any attempt to cross the cudgels while it lies there, the parties 

 must come down on their marrow-bones, and confess that they are 

 " no gentlemen," which is tantamount to turning them out of the 

 Court. 



The "end" of the Court-House is occupied by the Chairman 

 only, though the members sometimes from the Muttons, and at other 

 times from the Porks, come sidling up as if they meant to ear-wig 

 him ; but he looks as grave as a judge all the while, and when they 

 move off, he casts a knowing look over both sides, as much as to say, 

 " My good fellows, / know what's what." 



One of the most curious things about the Court-House is a score 

 or two of idlers, who are cocked up upon a little shelf at the one 

 end. It is the positive order of the Court that they shall not be 

 there, and in its estimation and belief as a Court they are not there ; 

 and yet they are there by the express orders of the individuals who 

 compose the Court. Odd as this seems, it explains much more than 

 one would suppose ; for it clearly shows that the members may do 

 one thing as members, and the very opposite in their individual 

 characters as men. This is understood to be the great inducement 

 which many of the members have to get there, and which makes 

 them, especially the Porks (though it is not confined to them), to 

 pay pounds and pounds for bottoms-breadths. They can talk about 

 " patriotism" and "the public good," and a hundred other well- 

 named imaginations, till they get the thoughtless by the ears like 

 rabbits ; and then they can dip their hands into other people's pockets 

 without exciting the least suspicion. 



Speaking of pockets, one of the alleged reasons why they will 

 let nobody into the Court-House without the order of a member, is 

 their care to prevent the people from picking each other's pockets. 

 Upon the first face of it this looks very kind and condescending on 

 their part, but there is something deeper in it. They do not hesi- 

 tate to put their hands into the pockets of the whole barony, only it 

 is by an order of the Court, and thus a duty, not a misdemeanour ; 

 and of course they do not wish that a pocket should be picked by 

 any body else, because, when their turn comes, they would find 

 it empty. They do not admit any females, some say, because 

 they consider the whole sex as little better than pickpockets ; though 

 others, with apparently more reason on their side, say that the ladies 

 would think the proceedings so funny, and tee-hee and titter at such 

 a rate, that they would put the younger members clean out, and 

 unsettle the centre of gravity in some of the veterans. These, how- 

 ever, are merely matters of conjecture, from which no positive con- 

 clusion can be safely drawn. 



One thing wants a little more notice, and that is " the rats," 

 which it seems impossible to burn out, or build out, in the case of the 



