The Baron Court of Little Brought-in. 373 



Baron Court. Their chief resort is under the Pork bottoms, that is, 

 below the seats of honour of the Porks; and the reason why they 

 should chiefly be there, is a matter of grave and profound enquiry. 

 The result of such enquiry seems to be, that the Porks are most 

 about the Baron's kitchen ; and as they are known to be sturdy 

 trencher-men, who get very soon hollow in the stomach the only 

 part, by the way, in which they can get hollow, they come to the 

 Court with junkets of the broken meat in their pockets, especially 

 slices of fat pork and bottoms of giblet-pies. These have a savoury 

 hugae about them, and wonderfully attract the rats, which may be 

 seen whisking about under the Pork bottoms, switching their tails 

 like little devils, glancing their eyes like drops of melted pitch on 

 the sunny side of a ship in the Greenland seas, and " setting up their 

 pincers" across the Court at the Muttons, as though they could in- 

 stantly cut up the whole, dead or alive. They sometimes gnaw the 

 buckskins of the Porks, when these have wiped the lard or goose- 

 grease on their buckskins; but they very seldom "cut in" so deep 

 as the brawn, and, when they do, the member outsqueaks all the rats 

 in Christendom, and bolts, neck and heels, clean over to the Muttons. 

 They sneak through below the table much more frequently, and 

 snap at the calves of the Muttons, which has taught many of these to 

 wear spatterdashes lined and quilted with alga marina, in which the 

 teeth of the rats merely " play buff," a trick to which they are said 

 to have been put up by the baron himself, who muffles his German- 

 flute with alga marina whenever it gets above concert pitch. 



It is said that these rats often cause matters to be decided in a 

 manner very different from what would be if there were no rats in 

 the Court. Many of the members are apt to drop to sleep, some 

 from cramming and infarcting themselves with the junkets, others 

 from pulling too hard at the pots in the cock-loft, and others again 

 from being up all the night before playing at " chuck-farthing," or 

 " hunt-the-slipper," games of which certain members are monstrously 

 fond. The noses and ears of these, especially those of them that are 

 crammed with the junkets, smell of pork or goose from being 

 wiped and rubbed with handkerchiefs out of the same pockets in 

 which they keep the junkets; and so, when these are dead asleep, 

 the rats will come and give them a tweak or a pinch, which makes 

 them bolt to their feet, wide awake in an instant of time J and, 

 strange to say, they give their opinions just the same as if they had 

 heard all that passed while they were enjoying their snooze. 



Many, however, are always wide awake themselves, though not 

 unfrequently great promoters of the sleep of others. Among these 

 there is one "Muddlesix" so called, some say, because he can 

 muddle the wits of any other half-dozen in the Court, if not put them 

 dead asleep under the table, although others maintain that the true 

 etymon of the name is "mud" humus ; but be that as it may, there 

 is no putting him to sleep. There is another sadly restless fellow, 

 more recently admitted into the Court, who will never keep himself 

 in a state of repose, either in the Court or any where else. His real 

 name is " Derrinandan," but folks often call him Megalosaurus, 

 from the immense size of his tail. This "tail" is a marvellously 



