374 The Baron Court of Little Brought-in. 



queer instrument, more so than the proboscis of the elephant, which 

 an overseer of a northern parish supposed was a tail, and that the 

 brute made use of it for cramming its stomach at the wrong end. 

 This tail is a prehensile instrument certainly, and it is pretty generally 

 believed to be of some service in feeding ; but there never was any 

 question raised about its being a nose or other than a real tail. It 

 twines about like a boa constrictor ; and the Porks are said to be 

 more afraid of the tail of Derrinandan than of the horns of the 

 whole array of the Muttons. It is said to consist of full forty verte- 

 bras, all articulated with ball and socket joints, and so amply sup- 

 plied with muscles that they can all work different ways at the plea- 

 sure of the wearer. It can also be shortened or lengthened as occa- 

 sions require ; and, as was the case with the tails of the cow-dealers 

 of Heathfield in former times, it can be put on or off, so that the one 

 day Derrinandan will look as if he were all tail, and the very next day 

 he will seem to have no tail at all. Whether it is owing to the han- 

 diness of this tail or not, we cannot take upon us to say ; but it is an 

 established fact, that the owner of the tail never, upon any one occa- 

 sion, " turns tail " himself. The curious manoeuvres of which this 

 organ is capable, have sometimes procured for the owner the name 

 of Paradoxurus, or " puzzle-tail ; " but he has not the exclusive 

 right to that appellation. 



The tail of Derrinandan is not the only cause of suspicion about 

 him, especially to the Porks ; for he holds out a threat about the 

 " re-peeling of an Onion, which throws them into sad quandaries. 

 The story of the Onion, or rather of the Onions, for there have been 

 at least two notable ones in the barony, is worth telling, in order 

 that one may have a proper understanding of the Baron Court, 

 and of what is done there, and why it is done ; and so it may be as 

 well to say something about it. 



Well, in former times, each of the three manors had its own 

 Manor Court, and there was no Baron Court at all. In consequence 

 of this the farmers and labouring people of Heathfield and Fury- 

 field had kitchens of their own, not quite so well supplied or so 

 abundant in broken victuals as that of the baron has been since all 

 the three were lumped together, but still enough to do many a 

 hungry stomach good ; and Hangland was never a bit the richer 

 that the other two manors settled their disputes upon their own 

 ground. The cooks and scullions of the baron's kitchen had long 

 wished to have the fat of all the three manors for their own grease- 

 pots ; and so, in the time of *' Goody Nan," a sAe-baron, whose hot 

 skin had made her stark mad after the parsons, it was resolved to 

 swamp the Manor Court of Heathfield. This was effected by sending 

 i)own an Onion to Heathfield, the smell of which soon put the folks 

 there out of the Manor Court, though only a few of them came up 

 to the Baron Court in Hangland ; but " Goody Nan," and her cooks, 

 scullions, serving-men, and parsons, only wanted to squabash their 

 Manor Court, after which the Heathfield folks might hang them- 

 selves and nobody care three straws about the matter. Goody Nan 

 went to her grave in peace ; but in the days of her successor, God- 

 frey Gorach, who was called to be baron from a paltry little place 



