The Baron Court of Little Brought-in. 375 



over the sea, some of the Heathfield men kicked up a rompus about 

 the smell of the Onion, and kept it astir for about thirty years, till at 

 last they got junkets and succumbed, and Heathfield became little 

 better than an alms-dish for some of the most hungry beggars about 

 the baron's kitchen ; and so it continued for many days, till at last 

 the Muttons, chiefly at the instance of one Serjeant Argyle, a 

 Heathfield man of more than ordinary nous, sent down a pill, which 

 physicked those who had over-eaten themselves, to some purpose 

 both ways. Conveniences, for cases of this sort not being common 

 in Heathfield, some of the parties upon whom the pill took most 

 effect are said to have done every thing in each other's pockets 

 among the bits of junkets not wishing what came up to be seen in 

 their own possession ; and altogether there was a terrible mess. 



It was curious to notice how differently this pill worked upon dif- 

 ferent constitutions. On those who took it willingly, it had no other 

 effect than that of a gentle tonic, which made them all as merry as 

 grigs ; and they were the great bulk of the people. But if any 

 ugged, and made faces at it, it griped them terribly ; and it was 

 heart-breaking to see them, some retching as if they were to turn 

 inside out, and others quite in a dead-thraw, as powerless as dish- 

 clouts. Our business in the mean time, however, is not with the 

 pills but the onions, though the two are not so irrelevant to each 

 other as some may think. The Onion which was sent to Heathfield 

 was in the rind, and not in the least peeled, so that it had not a very 

 offensive hugue to the bulk of the people even at the first ; and in 

 time they began to like it, and called it a freet, which is their way 

 of pronouncing the name. In this they were not far wrong ; for 

 whether exactly a fruit or not, an onion is certainly not a root, for it 

 is all on the upper side of the collet, which is not the case with any 

 root upon earth, all roots and Radicals being restricted to the 

 under side of the collet only. 



Seeing that the Onion had fairly squabashed the Manor Court of 

 Heathfield, it was determined to do the same with that of Furyfield. 

 This was tried in the days when Gunpowder Gaffer was baron 

 the very same that had such a craze for employing game-keepers 

 all over the world without any regard to the cost. The poachers 

 had run him and his game-keepers rather hard ; and some of them 

 had been daring enough to come coney-catching to Furyfield, where 

 they were sheltered by many of the small farmers, and some few of 

 the large ones, especially such as lived on their farms and looked 

 after them. It was even supposed that the Manor Court winked at, 

 and rather encouraged these poachers ; and this caused a dread, not 

 on the part of Gaffer, for he was always in the clouds about the 

 gamekeepers, but on that of Billy Dimple, who was the baron's head 

 lacquey at the time. Billy was old enough to remember the tricks 

 which had forced Gaffer to " cut his stick" in the great manor of 

 Westfield, for his own father had fagged tooth and nail to prevent 

 it ; and he feared that the same would have to be done in Fury- 

 field ; and this made him resolve to send the Onion. 



So Billy Dimple gets a monstrous big onion, not a mild one like 

 those of the south, but a real Moscovy onion, which is known to be 



