The Baron Court of Little Brouyht-in. 629 



that it would mainmast the whole Nary for a hundred years. This is 

 what is called freedom of speech ; and it is a capital way of going 

 to work, for, if a man only draw a circle wide enough, that which he 

 wants is sure to be somewhere within it, whether he may happen to 

 find it out or not. The finding in short is the proper business of the 

 court, and the rule with them is to find every thing that they do like 

 and nothing which they dislike, and this, were it not too precious for 

 being suffered to be used out of the court, would be an excellent rule 

 for all mankind. 



Well, the introducer of the something goes on and on, exactly 

 like a child with a basin of soap-suds and a broken tobacco-pipe 

 blowing bubbles ; and if the house, from all sides and ends, cry 

 " hear^! hear !" then he is quite cock-a-hoop ; and after somebody 

 has thanked him for his wisdom, his something is read by the clerk 

 in order to be printed, in order that the members may take it home 

 in their pockets and consult their wives and sweethearts, whether 

 there is enough of conglomeration in it. If these say " aye," then it 

 walks the course with no opposition, and in fact is the law of the land 

 from the instant the matrons and maids give their deliverance on it. 

 But the course of things does not always run thus smooth : some- 

 times the court " hears" only on one side, and sometimes it is quite 

 deaf and does not " hear" at all ; in both of which cases, a something 

 must be done for the something, before it has even a chance of be- 

 coming a something, and so, as the slang phrase says, they <c go at 

 it." One gets up and says, that what is proposed is " all stuff and 

 nonsense ;" and in order to make good his point, he brings forward 

 all the stuff and nonsense that he can lay his tongue to, in order that 

 the court may have a standard of stuff and nonsense, whereby to test 

 the something before them. In the course of this, if they keep "hear 

 hearing" from all sides of the house, the introducer droops his ears 

 like a petVabbit, and looks vastly woe begone ; if they " hear" on one 

 side only, he fidgets, and casts about his eyes to try and find out 

 whether the hearing ear or the deaf ear is the bigger one, and he is a 

 good deal saddened or sprighted-up accordingly ; and if the members 

 don't " hear" at all, then he feels sure that his egg will not be addled. 

 Upon this, up bolts another member of the court, and says that 

 what has been advanced in opposition to the matter, is greater stuff 

 and greater nonsense than that matter itself, which he establishes by 

 bringing forward a still higher standard of stuff and nonsense. JJ 



Upon this they join issue, and a whole posse of the two contending 

 parties are upon their legs at once, until some one "catches the eye" 

 of the chairman, or rather till the chairman's eye catches the face of 

 somebody he likes, and so he nods to that one, which means that he 

 is to bestow all his tediousness upon them and then be as quiet as 

 possible. He goes on ; after him a second, after the second a third, 

 and so on; and the standard of stuff and nonsense rises in a geome- 

 trical ratio until the court are at last worked into the conviction, if 

 such working be required, that stuff and nonsense are the noblest 

 ornaments of human nature. 



" Then," the fastidious reader may say, " they have driven their 

 pigs to a pretty fair." But fair and softly, my good Cynic, and before 



