630 The Baron Court of Little Brought-in. 



you tax the wisdom of the Baron Court, answer me this question t 

 " How could it be possible for an assembly of men, in the exercise 

 of their ordinary senses, to come to a decision upon a matter of 

 which not one of them understands a single word?" The fact is, that 

 this stirring of the waters, or raising of the wind, or whatever other 

 name it may be called by, is administered to the court with the same 

 intention and effect as opium used to be administered to the troops 

 of the Grand Seignor when they had no stomach for fighting. 



Next comes the grand up-shot, for which they have worked- 

 themselves into this state of excitement, by enacting what is called 

 " dividing the house ;" but they take heed to the warning, and sa 

 take especial care never to divide it " against itself." This operation 

 called dividing the house is, upon such an occasion as that alluded to, 

 a strange matter in reality ; and it would puzzle all the anatomists 

 of the world, whether human or comparative, to find out how they 

 can possibly do it. They themselves keep it a profound secret, and 

 are especially careful to turn all the lounging idlers out of the house 

 before they set about it, so that nobody can tell how it is done, except 

 the members of the court and they won't. 



To know what is done is something, however, without the know- 

 ledge of how it is done ; and it is established beyond the possibility 

 of doubt that they PUT THEIR EYES OUT OF THE COURT AND KEEP 

 THEIR NOSE IN. This may be depended upon as being the literal 

 fact ; but how it can be physically done is a perfect wonder, as any 

 man can readily convince himself by trying to put his eyes out of a 

 common room and keep his nose in. The reason of doing this is* 

 rather more easily comprehended, though there is something puz- 

 zling even in it. It has been mentioned that the court are still in- 

 perfect ignorance of the matter at issue, and this seems to be the 

 reason why the eyes are put out when the court is deciding whether 

 they will entertain the measure or not. The measure itself is not 

 put out along with the eyes, but left on the table in the middle of the 

 floor; and the nose appears to be kept in along with it, in order that, 

 while the eyes are out and so cannot embarrass it, it must find out 

 whether there is any offensive odour about the matter ; and thus every 

 thing new may be said to be brought into the court upon a scent. 



It often happens that, at this first stage of the " bill," as they 

 call it after it has been read in the house, what is called " the debate" 

 upon it is taken, though that is not the usual practice ; and then they 

 are sometimes not able to mystify it sufficiently at one sitting, or even 

 at two sittings; and, when this happens, there are a vast number of 

 words spilt like dishwater, in the court and out of it, to no purpose 

 whatever; so that it would be a great deal better if they would di- 

 vide the house immediately upon the reading, which would let them 

 feel the pulse of the house, and then the losing party might have a 

 right to claim a debate, if he thought he could take any thing by it ; 

 but the whole are so very eager to make speeches, that they never 

 mind an unnecessary waste of time and delay of the public business. 

 It has often been a matter of speculative wonder, why a set of men, 

 who seldom say a word from which any ordinary person can glean 

 even the slightest information, and who often make terrible fools of 



