The Baron Court of Little Brought in. 631 



themselves into the bargain, should persist so doggedly in this mania 

 of speechcraft. Many think, and there seems at least some reason 

 in the thought, that the love of reading their own speeches in the 

 newspapers has a great deal to do with it ; and it is very likely to 

 be the case, because men of limited intellects are always remarkably 

 fond of seeing themselves in print, in the hope no doubt that they 

 have a chance of monumental glory in that way of which they have 

 no chance by any other means ; nor is there any doubt that often 

 before now a member of the court has obtained a sort of second-hand 

 celebrity, in consequence of his speech being printed in the next 

 column of the newspaper to that containing an account of the trial, 

 the confession, or the execution of an atrocious murderer ; and that 

 men should borrow and lend renown in this way, is quite fair. 



Some members of the court are indeed so much indebted to the 

 newspapers, that they would be absolutely nothing without them, and 

 it is creditable to themselves, and honourable to human nature, to find 

 that they are grateful for this. The paper not only patches and 

 mends their cacology, but bestows upon them a "commodity of good 

 names," which they could find nowhere else, and such is the power of 

 a newspaper in this way, that it can make a man fit for a peer who 

 had but a very short time before, and certes even then, been fit 

 only for a pillory, as could be proved by the example of certain per- 

 sons now living, though this is a very uncertain way of getting at the 

 evidence. 



If the nose smells nothing offensive when the eyes are out, then 

 the thing is printed, in order that it may be circulated among 

 the members of the court, who examine it to discover if there is 

 any daylight in it, and if they find a glimmering any where, they 

 make a x in the margin, which means "plug up this here crevice ;" 

 and when they have made it all proof against the light, so that 

 nobody caft understand one word of it, down they come with it 

 to the house, and if the debate has not been previously taken, 

 there is such ado and rampaging about it, that the eels in the 

 river are roused from their beds in perfect consternation. Upon 

 occasions of this kind, when they come to divide the court, they 

 follow exactly the converse method to that which they follow in such 

 cases as that formerly mentioned. They do not now put out their 

 eyes, but keep them wide awake within the court, to keep a sharp 

 look-out, lest the rats should get their pincers on the bill ; but at the 

 same time they poke out their nose, to ascertain if the folks out of 

 doors smell sweetly about the matter. Thus it will be seen, that in 

 the Baron Court the decision of matters always depends upon the 

 nose, the eyes being carried away by the mere glare of colours, and 

 quite new-fangled about every strange matter, and generally the 

 more so the more useless it is, upon the charitable principle that 

 people who will take a child under their protection, prefer an orphan, 

 however deformed or worthless it may be in itself", and really give 

 the preference to the brat of a vagabond who has been hanged, to 

 that of the child of an honest man who, in bad times, has struggled 

 hard to maintain ten upon five shillings a week. It is written that 

 the joy in heaven is at the repentance of sinners rather than at the 



