1827.] 4 Dissertation upon Dinners. 137 



of Reading School who had distinguished themselves before the Vice Chan- 

 cellor of Oxford, at the usual scholastic visitation. We formed one of the 

 youngsters thus distinguished ; and precisely at half-past five o'clock took our 

 seats among " the elect," close heside two corpulent clergymen in dingy 

 small-clothes, a tureen of turtle-soup, and live dishes of wild fowl. It is 

 not for us to describe emotions on this occasion, which even the mind of 

 a Milton might fail in pourtraying: but we can assert upon our honour 

 that, as we gazed up through the long vista of aldermen towards the 

 Mayor, whose beautiful proportions, like a sculptured Silenus, graced the 

 upper end of the hall, and saw at least two hundred jaws scientifically 

 and symmetrically at work, we thought we had never till then witnessed 

 a definition of the " sublime and beautiful." The ecstacy of Bruce, when 

 he first knelt beside the fountains of the Nile or of the Bond-street 

 breeches-maker (name unknown), when paid for his inexpressibles 

 by Sheridan can alone compete with our enthusiasm. These ecsta- 

 cies lasted upwards of two hours ; but their memory like Ossian's 

 departed joys, "pleasant, yet mournful to the soul" will outlive eter- 

 nity itself. Nay, even up to the present moment, we often wake at mid- 

 night with the apparatus of a mayors feast (your only acceptable night- 

 mare) dancing before our youthful and susceptible imagination ; turtle- 

 soup simmers on either side our optics ; venison sends up its unctuous steam 

 into our nostrils ; aldermen bestride our bosoms in vigorous, but visionary 

 circumference ; till, roused by the beatific sight, we wake up with the 



appetite of a crocodile, and the digestive capacity of ; but forgive us, 



my Public the recollection of this ovation overcomes us : we will weep 

 awhile. 



To resume : we are no Solomons, but we take a good dinner to be a 

 sort of dietetic Ecclesiastes a homily replete with sentiment. What infi- 

 nite associations of life and death are suggested by the introduction at table, 

 and subsequent extinction of a roast goose ! It cometh up like a flower 

 (from the kitchen), smelleth daintily awhile, and lo ! it passeth away! 

 In like manner, what Chrisiian, who has been properly baptized, can fail 

 to draw a parallel between the devilled drum-stick of an octogenarian 

 turkey-cock and age's " lean and slippered pantaloon ?" Both are pep- 

 pery, dry, and indigestible ; both skinny and sinewy ; both " stale and 



unprofitable;" both But enough : the analogy, like Sir William Cur- 



tis's circumference, is obvious to the meanest capacity. Looking then upon 

 a dinner as a meet emblem of mortality, we are surprised, not to say 

 shocked, that our modern divines have passed it by with such iniquitous 

 contempt. The Bishop of London, in particular, though he has explored 

 every other polemic track, has never once, in his charges to the clergy, 

 done justice to a rump-steak and oyster-sauce. But, indeed, we do not 

 think he has yet immortalized gin punch ; and the only plea we can offer 

 for such neglect "is, that the subject stirs up " thoughts that do often lie 

 too deep for tears, 1 ' and consequently for description. Our elder writers 

 knew better: they invariably paid homage to the palate. Ben Jonson 

 never penned a line till becomingly moistened with the tipple of his times 

 (in our respect for antiquity we have tasted it, and it is really not bad), 

 and well lined with beef; Rabelais drew his purest morals from the table; 

 Marlowe from the tavern ; and even Shakspcare himself, who surpassed 

 them all in mind, makes Falstaff speak sneeringly of a man for daring to 

 decry the philosophy of the stomach. In our own days, a select few only 

 have condescended to dietetic themes; among whom Kitchiner, the tasty, 



M.M. New Scries. VoL.III. No.14. T 



