174 On Dogs. [FEB. 



Lady Lovedog. Dear, good-natured darlings ! you hate to see me 

 angry, don't ye, though it he in your own cause ? Come hither, my poor 

 Psyche ; you have lost you lover, havn't you, dear ? but I'll soon get you 

 another Cupid. Prince, what makes you so dull this morning? you don't 

 frisk and caper about as you used to do : I suppose your bed was not half 

 made, any more than Pompey's. Pretty boys, you look as if you had lain 

 rough all night. Here is my poor Bully, too, as I live, not so* much as the 

 black tuft on the tip of his tail combed out! Beauty, why do you bark, 

 love ? I can see by your eyes that you have something to tell me, now, 

 if you knew how, Well, to be sure, you have all been cruelly used these 

 two days, since your own maid has been from you. Come, Chloe, come, 

 pretty girl, give me a kiss poh! your mouth is all dirty. Why, I declare 

 that nasty hussy has neither washed your face nor cleaned your teeth. 



Maid. Indeed, Madam, I washed every one of them ; your Ladyship 

 may see the towel s all wet. 



Lady Lovedog. The towel ! why, you filthy creature ! why you nasty 

 wretch! have you actually washed all their sweet faces with one and the 

 same towel ? Get you out of my sight, you vile toad, or I shall break 

 your neck down stairs ; and, what will be worse, burst my own heart 

 with passion. 



Seeing a lady very warmly caressing a dog, I said, " you must be an 

 excellent friend to human beings, if you are so fond of beasts !" The 

 reply was, " I love this dog better than all the human beings in the 

 world !" I immediately made a mem. : 



" If you see people furiously fond of dogs and other animals, be sure 

 they are unfortunate beings, whose minds have been soured, and whose 

 society is rather to lie shunned than sought after." 



A common excuse for keeping these pests is, " Oh ! but you've no idea ; 

 he's such a nice Dog ! if any body comes near our house at night, he barks 

 for half an hour together !" Or else it is, " He is such an affectionate 

 creature, that he never hurt no body !" Take no doggist's word on this 

 last point. Do as that famous fox-hunter, old Frank Foresight, always 

 did. No hunter loved his horse or his dog better than old Frank ; but he 

 was a staunch friend to " rule and order;" and, said he, " every thing in 

 its place." When he called at a house, if a Dog came to the door, he used 

 to say to the person who opened it " I guess that's a favourite master of 

 the house, may be ? Well, lock him up safely, honey lock him up safely 

 till I am gone. Not that I am afraid of his hurting ME ; not at all, 1 

 assure you ; and if he did, I dare say you would not care much about that. 

 I am only afraid that I may hurt HIM ! Only consider for a moment, if he 

 should bite a bit out of ray leg, and it should make him sick ! now think 

 o'that what a sad thing that would be ! And (throwing a tuck out of his 

 his stick, which he always did the moment he saw a dog) if my elbow 

 should be seized with a sudden spasm, and I should accidentally poke this 

 sword down Darling's throat ! now think o'that, what a shocking thing 

 that would be ! Therefore, as you love Darling, while I stay let him be 

 locked up carefully, honey." 



Mr. Vale, in his System of Husbandry, computes the number of these 

 useless animals kept at present to be not less than two millions ; the keep 

 of which voracious creatures, besides depriving the poor of many a basin 

 of milk, raises the price of meat, as they have bought up for them many 

 of the inferior joints, which only requires good cooking to make as delicate 

 a meal as the best. 



