]Vtir : Us Uses. |_ APRIL, 



for not eating pork, because they liked it themselves; whether, of three or 

 four ruffians one born at Geneva, one in Rome, and the rest elsewhere 

 the whole were scoundrels, or only one, or two, or more ; or which was 

 the greatest scoundrel. And so on, Sir so on. Old Fifteen used to 

 manage all these matters well when he was younger ; but, like the old 

 giants in John Bunyan, he is either become crazy in his joints, or oblivious, 

 or, perhaps, turned sentimental which is his leading fault nowadays. 

 But I hope that the Holy Alliance, and the spawn oi' old Loyola, will 

 work him up to his bearings again before long; and then " we shall see 

 what we shall see." 



As to other matters, nations make war for a rock that no one ever 

 thought of thinking of till some one else said it was worth something ; or 

 for an island, worth sixpence in fee-simple ; or for the plague, or the 

 yellow fever; or for rum, or tea, or coffee, or tobacco; or a tract of sand, 

 or a marsh ; or for the pleasure of keeping a red rag a foot higher up the 

 mast than some other people. They make war thus for what they call the 

 dominion of the sea; which, as it happens, is the common dominion of all 

 the world and which they can neither fortify, defend, nor occupy, nor 

 legislate for, nor tax. 



In yet other modes, they make war that they may take possession of 

 islands for the pleasure of returning them again; which serves to display 

 their generosity : sometimes, that they may make a people, which they 

 care nothing about, free, as they call it ; at other times, that they may 

 make them slaves, which does as well. 



Two nations make war together, that neither of them may meddle with 

 a third nation ; or else because both are desirous of meddling with it ; or, 

 reversely, two combine and war upon that third nation, cut it in two, and 

 put, each, a half in their respective pockets. Very commonly, a nation 

 drubs another into such a state of gratitude, as to compel it to buy all its 

 goods at the said nation's shop ; which is a very successful mode when 

 it succeeds. Or else, a nation beats another, and exterminates half the 

 people, that it may increase the number of the consumers of its articles ; or 

 else it beats and bullies the said nation or any other nation that, by 

 impoverishing the people, it may increase their industry and production 

 and thus compel them to sell all their goods to the victors, instead of buy- 

 ing ; thus, evidently, enabling itself to sell so much more. 



And if, in any of these several ways, it buys ten times as dear as it 

 might else have done, or spends a hundred times the value of the articles 

 before it can begin to buy at all, or does not sell by a million of times the 

 value of what it has spent for the privilege of selling, why, so much the 

 better : because then it will get poor, and make peace, or be quiet ; by 

 which means, it will be able to go to war again. 



It is particularly good policy and it is, indeed,one of Old Fifteen's new 

 discoveries, making up for some of his late stupidity to send abroad the 

 half of a nation's people, at a great expense ; to nurse them up into wealth, 

 make them powerful, and then quarrel with them. This is an admirable 

 receipt ; because it makes and generates a bottom and foundation of per- 

 manent hatred and ever-during causes for war. And the thing is certainly 

 most effectually executed, by taking care to stock your place with all the 

 convicts, felons, scoundrels, mutineers, rebels, and so forth, that can be 

 mustered ; because it is probable that you will not have to wait quite so 

 long for an enemy as if you had stocked it with honest men. 



It is a good reason for war, when a country does not reach to a particular 

 river; and it is a better one still, when, having attained that river, it does 



