1830.] Affairs in General 75 



Since Sir William Curtis's departure, Alderman Venables has assumed 

 the heirship of all the " particularly nice, slick right through, tarnation 

 fine things" (we quote Mathews) of cockneyism. (( Why," said Sir 

 William, " is a pocket-handkerchief like a serpent ? Because it is a 

 wiper." 



Nothing so good will ever be said again ; but his successor makes 

 some fine attempts. Venables on a pedestrian tour through the roman- 

 tic district of Brixton, towards Norwood, remarked to his chaplain, 

 "when panting up Brixton Rise, that " every ill should be taxed." 

 " Taxed," gently inquired the chaplain, " taxed, Sir, for what reason ?" 

 " Because they are winders," panted forth the Ex-Lord. The Jldus 

 Achates laughed, and immediately wrote it in his journal. 



We see that the chaplain's unrivalled history of the City Voyage up 

 the River is not forgotten. If being unique be an honour it must 

 immortalize him. 



Brougham now and then relapses into a Bar recollection. The follow- 

 ing is his best, and as such, his most frequent story. It is a happy 

 instance of the elucidation of facts in court. 



During the assizes, in a case of assault and battery, where a stone 

 had been thrown by the defendant, the following clear and conclusive 

 evidence was drawn out of a Yorkshireman : 



Did you see the defendant throw the stone ? I saw a stone, and I'ze 

 pretty sure the defendant throwed it. 



Was it a large stone ? I should say it wur a largeish stone. 



What was its size ? I should say a sizeable stone. 



Can't you answer definitely how big it was ? I should say it wur a 

 a stone of some bigness. 



Can't you give the jury some idea of the stone ? Why, as near as I 

 recollect, it wur something of a stone. 



Can't you compare it to some other object? Why, if I wur to com- 

 pare it, so as to give some notion of the stone, I should say it wur as 

 large as a lump of chalk. 



No one can doubt our attachment to the Established Church. We 

 have no hesitation in speaking of it, as not merely the most fitted for the 

 religious government of a great empire by its principles ; but we can find 

 in history no instance of any national church so generally tolerant, so 

 gentle to individual opinion, or so little encumbered with vexatious doc- 

 trines and foolish ceremonies ; none at once so decorous in its worship, and 

 so mild in its discipline. Yet we are only exhibiting our high respect 

 and anxiety for its public honour, when we advert to the correction of 

 those abuses which time introduces into all things; which it introduces 

 most fatally into the best ; and which, unless reformed by the friends of 

 the Church, will be turned into the instruments of its enemies. 



The increase of sectarianism is notorious. The dissenters from the 

 National Church amount to millions, and they continue seceding year 

 by year. We do not object to the widest work of conscience ; and if men 

 will think that they have formed a fair ground for the nonsense of sup- 

 posing that education is not the safest means of knowledge, that dis- 

 tinctions of ranks are not the most obvious means of subordination, or 

 that the lay tradesman is the best guide of the clerical student, we have 

 nothing to offer which can shake the determinations of such minds. The 



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