1830.] [ 73 ] 



NOTES OF THE MONTH ON AFFAIRS IN GENERAL. 



MB. ALDERMAN THOMPSON, who, we lament to say, is not yet a 

 baronet, notwithstanding his sudden illumination on the subject of the 

 Catholic question, is among the loudest advocates for the removal of 

 Smithfield market westward. The Alderman ought to have some fel- 

 low-feeling for the beeves : what a figure would he cut if he were 

 removed westward ! 



This is a famous time for the lawyers. The old saying, that when 

 rogues fall out, honest men come by their own, may be reversed very 

 handsomely now, on condition that we call the " Illustrissimi" of the 

 Horse-guards " honest," which we do in the most nervous and punctili- 

 ous sincerity. But the lawyers have the whole profit on both sides. 

 Four actions in one week. " Egad," as Congreve says, " rooks and 

 lawyers fatten in the frost; for they pick up, where others would 

 starve." 



We have no earthly idea of laughing at such things : nay, we never 

 laugh at dungeon bars or fixed bayonets. But there are some 

 things at which we may still laugh. The Duke of Brunswick 

 has brought an action against the " Foreign Review" for a libel. We 

 only hope that he will not trust the tongues of those slippery ora- 

 tors the lawyers, but come and state the case himself. He has heroism 

 enough for any thing; and he might have the double advantage of 

 settling his affair of honour with Count Munster, and giving His 

 Majesty an airing on Houn slow-heath, at the same time. 



The article in question is attributed to a celebrated diplomatist with 

 the expressive name of Smith Fiddlestick. Some of the papers affect 

 to make light of the matter, and close their verdict with the easy word, 

 Fudge. But time may teach them that the forehead of Jupiter Tonans 

 was tenderness itself to the thunder curls of Lord Teriterden's wig. We 

 recommend the Editor to solicit the honour of being shot in Hyde Park 

 by the Duke, in preference ; and he has only to commission Mr. Tatter- 

 sail for the purpose. 



We are no canters ; and we have never heard a sermon of Boatswain 

 Smith. .Half a sermon of Orator Irving was enough for us in our most 

 patient days ; and we have bound a solemn determination upon our breasts, 

 never, knowingly, to read a syllable written by Charles Grant, Parson 

 Philpot, or High-priest Wilberforce. 



And yet the number of horrid acts that are perpetrated daily, among 

 even the better orders, make us think that something is required stronger 

 than the march of intellect, to keep men and women from cutting their 

 neighbours' throats and their own. Every paper teems with suicides, 

 and those, not like the regular mortality at Paris, of poor devils, who 

 coming to their last coin, and depositing that last coin in the purse of one 

 of those commodious avenues to the empire of the devil in the Palais 

 Royal, walk out and make the Seine their bed for want of a better. 

 But our self-murderers, in nine instances out of ten, are people of some 

 condition, with families, occupations, and a place in society. One of 

 those is the catastrophe which startled the town of Hull a short time 

 ago. A merchant, finding some speculation going wrong with him, and 

 disdaining either honest retrenchment or manly industry, adopted the 



M. M. New tone*. VOL. IX, No. 49. L 



