3 36 My Christmas Dinner ! FEB 



She has a very small pretty hand, I recollect ; only her fingers are so 



? tinctured by the needle and I rather think she bites her nails. No, 

 will not even now give up my hope. It was yesterday but a straw 

 to-day it is but the thistledown ; but I will cling to it to the last 

 moment. There are still four hours left; they will not dine till six. 

 One desperate struggle, and the peril is past; let me not be seduced by 

 this last golden apple, and I may yet win my race." The struggle was 

 made " I should not dine at-home." This was the only phrase left 

 me; for I could not say that " I should dine out." Alas ! that an event 

 should be at the same time so doubtful and so desirable. I only begged 

 that if any letter arrived, it might be brought to me immediately. 



The last plank, the last splinter, had now given way beneath me. 

 I was floating about with no hope but the chance of something almost 

 impossible. They had " left me alone/' not with my glory, but with 

 an appetite that resembled an avalanche seeking whom it might devour. 

 I had passed one dinnerless day, and the half of another ; yet the 

 promised land was as far from sight as ever. I recounted the chances I 

 had missed. The dinners I might have enjoyed, passed in a dioramic 

 view before my eyes. Mr. Phiggins and his six clerks the Clapham beef- 

 eaters the charms of Upper Brook-street my pretty cousins, and the 

 pantomime- writer the stock-broker, whose stories one forgets, and the 

 elderly lady who forgets her stories they all marched by me, a pro- 

 cession of apparitions. Even my landlady's invitation, though unborn, 

 was not forgotten in summing up my sacrifices. And for what ? 



Four o'clock. Hope was perfectly ridiculous. I had been walking 

 upon the hair-bridge over a gulf, and could not get into Elysium after all. 

 I had been catching moonbeams, and running after notes of music. 

 Despair was my only convenient refuge; no chance remained, unless 

 something should drop from the clouds. In this last particular I was 

 not disappointed ; for on looking up I perceived a heavy shower of 

 snow. Yet I was obliged to venture forth ; for being supposed to dine 

 out, I could not of course remain at home. Where to go I knew not : 

 I was like my first father " the world was all before me." I flung my 

 cloak round me, and hurried forth with the feelings of a bandit longing 

 for a stiletto. At the foot of the stairs, I staggered against two or three 

 smiling rascals, priding themselves upon their punctuality. They had 

 just arrived to make the tour of Turkey. How I hated them ! As I 

 rushed by the parlour, a single glance disclosed to me a blazing fire, 

 with Lucy and several lovely creatures in a semicircle. Fancy, too, gave 

 me a glimpse of a sprig of misletoe I vanished from the house, like a 

 spectre at day-break. 



How long I wandered about is doubtful. At last I happened to look 

 through a kitchen-window, with an area in front, and saw a villain with 

 a fork in his hand, throwing himself back in his chair choked with 

 ecstacy. Another was feasting with a graver air ; he seemed to be swal- 

 lowing a bit of Paradise^ and criticising its flavour. This was too much 

 for mortality my appetite fastened upon me like an alligator. I darted 

 from the spot ; and only a few yards farther, discerned a house, with 

 rather an elegant exterior, and with some ham in the window that looked 

 perfectly sublime. There was no time for consideration to hesitate 

 was to perish. I entered ; it was indeed " a banquet-hall deserted." 

 The very waiters had gone home to their friends. There, however, I 

 found a fire ; and there to sum up all my folly and felicity in a single 

 word- I DINED! 



