318 A Chapter on Old Coats. [MARCH, 



churn, Dickson the cream of bachelors the pink of politeness the 

 most agreeable of tipplers ; who expired last year of vexation, the neces- 

 sary consequence of his having been married a full fortnight to a Blue- 

 Stocking. Peace to his ashes ! he always spoke respectfully of whisky 

 punch ! 



Old coats are the indices by which a man's peculiar turn of mind may 

 be pointed out. So tenaciously do I hold this opinion, that, in passing 

 down a crowded thoroughfare, the Strand, for instance, I would wager 

 odds, that, in seven out of ten cases, I would tell a stranger's character 

 and calling by the mere cut of his every-day coat. Who can mistake the 

 staid, formal gravity of the orthodox divine, in the corresponding weight, 

 fulness, and healthy condition of his familiar, easy-natured flaps ? 

 Who sees not the necessities the habitual eccentricities of the poet, 

 significantly developed in his two haggard, shapeless old apologies for 

 skirts, original in their genius as Christabel, uncouth in their build as 

 the New Palace at Pimlico ? Who can misapprehend the motions of the 

 spirit, as it slily flutters beneath the Quaker's drab ? Thus, too, the sable 

 hue of the lawyer's working coat corresponds most convincingly with 

 the colour of his conscience : while his thrift, dandyism, and close 

 attention to appearances, tell their own tale in the half-pay officer's smart, 

 but somewhat faded exterior. 



No lover of independence ventures voluntarily on a new coat. This 

 is an axiom not to be overturned, unlike the safety stage-coaches. The 

 man who piques himself on the newness of such an habiliment, is till 

 time hath " mouldered it into beauty" its slave. Wherever he goes, he 

 is harassed by an apprehension of damaging it. Hence he loses his sense 

 of independence, and becomes a Serf! How degrading! To succumb 

 to one's superiors is bad enough ; but to be the martyr of a few yards of 

 cloth ; to be the Helot of a tight fit ; to be shackled by the ninth fraction 

 of a man ; to be made submissive to the sun, the dust, the rain, and the 

 snow ; to be panic-stricken by the chimney-sweep ; to be scared by the 

 dustman ; to shudder at the advent of the baker ; to give precedence to 

 the scavenger ; to concede the wall to a peripatetic conveyancer of eggs ; 

 to palpitate at the irregular sallies of a mercurial cart-horse ; to look up 

 with awe at the apparition of a giggling servant girl, with a slop-pail 

 thrust half way out of a garret window ; to coast a gutter with a 

 horrible anticipation of consequences ; to faint at the visitation of a 

 shower of soot down the chimney ; to be compelled to be at the mercy 

 of each and all of these vile contingencies ; can any thing in human 

 nature be so preposterous, so effeminate, so disgraceful ? A truly 

 great mind spurns the bare idea f such slavery ; hence, according 

 to the " Subaltern/' Wellington liberated Spain in a red coat, extrava- 

 gantly over-estimated at sixpence, and Napoleon entered Moscow in a 

 green one out at the elbows. 



An old coat is the aptest possible symbol of sociality. An old shoe is 

 not to be despised ; an old hat, provided it have a crown, is not amiss ; 

 none but a cynic would speak irreverently of an old slipper ; but were 

 I called upon to put forward the most unique impersonation of 

 comfort, I should give a plumper in favour of an old coat. The 

 very mention of this luxury conjures up a thousand images of enjoy- 

 ment. It speaks of warm fire-sides long flowing curtains a 

 downy arm -chair a nicely-trimmed lamp a black cat fast asleep on the 

 hearth-rug a bottle of old Port (vintage 1812) a snuff-box a cigar 



