1830.] George Colman't Random Records. 315 



After a lapse of forty-five years, George visited the seat of the Mul- 

 graves once more. It had flourished prodigiously in the interval, the 

 house had grown into a castle, and the grounds into woodlands and 

 forests. His time passed delightfully, except for the peculiar regard of 

 his noble host for his comfort. For two days he was laid up by Friar 

 Bacon, on whom he had taken a ride to Whitby. " The fat of this 

 handsome pampered animal proclaimed him an old favourite, and the 

 width of his back distended my femoral sinews, as if I had been put to 

 the question by the Inquisition. My kind and noble friend had, I know, 

 been studying my comfort before he mounted me upon this corpulent 

 quadruped, whose ambling pace was smoother than the swing of a cradle ; 

 but, oh his rotundity ! take him altogether, he was one of the mildest 

 tortures that ever stretched the limbs of an elderly gentleman." The 

 Mulgrave expedition passed off pleasantly, furnishing the wit with some 

 sketches of character for his next drama, and supplying the reader with 

 some odd anecdotes. The following slight exaggeration is new to us ; 

 he gives it in illustration of the sang Jroid with which the miners in the 

 alum-pits on the Mulgrave estate sling themselves down the quarry. 

 " A Scotchman slipped off the roof of a mansion in Edinburgh, sixteen 

 stories high (at the least) ; when midway in his descent, he arrived at a 

 lodger looking out of the eighth floor window, to whom, as he was an 

 acquaintance, he observed, en passant, ' Eh, Sandy, mon, sic a fa' as I 

 shall hae.' He declines saying anything more on the alum-works, from 

 the astringency of the subject, but refers the inquisitive to the Ency- 

 clopaedia. He now studied botany in the evenings, under the indefati- 

 gable Sir Joseph, who sliced cabbages, cauliflowers, and every thing 

 that came in his way, for the honour of science ; from which study his 

 .pupil declares, that he rose with the power of distinguishing between 

 " a moss-rose and a Jerusalem artichoke." Growing sick of science, he 

 naturally gives a passing rebuke to every project that withdraws a man 

 from the cultivation of the play-houses and fire-sides of London. 

 ." What is," says this gay Utilitarian, " the endeavour of boring beyond 

 a frigid zone ? If by possibility a passage were obtained this year, it 

 would be blocked up in the next." He accordingly pronounces the 

 North- West passage as hopeless as " a turnpike road over the sands of the 

 desert, or a permanent bridge across the crater of ^Etna."' So much for 

 the glories of Captain Parry and the projects of Mr. Barrow. The 

 world has been long of the wit's opinion ; but he shines in description, 

 and he gives us an excellent roasting of a pig, au naturel, by Omai, in 

 the manner of the royal kitchen of Otaheite. ". One day we had a barbe- 

 cued hog a huge whole monster. I took a prejudice against him while 

 roasting he was put down to a blazing fire in the field, where he was 

 burned, and scorched, and blackened, until he looked like a fat pro- 

 testant at the stake, in the time of Bishop Bonner we all had a flap 

 at him, with a rag dipped in vinegar, at the end of a stick, by way of a 

 basting ladle, otherwise he would have been done to a cinder." The 

 monster was better than he looked. " As to Omai's dish, in the eating 

 nothing could be more savoury/ 7 Sir Joseph too, that man of all arts, 

 figured as a cook. " Sir Joseph made very palateable stews, in a tin 

 machine, which he called by a hard name ; but which is now very 

 common/' But their experiments were sometimes more diversified than 

 successful, " One day we roasted a sea-gull, which was enough to turn 



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