546 The United Service Smoke-shop : a Winter Sketch. [MAY, 



straps," placed (as I should say, nautically) " one point abaft the beam" 

 of the foot ; they form a complete protection against slips ; they are my 

 own invention : as for the twitches in your back, major, you must try 

 one of my anti-sciatica-polar-safety belts, which bid defiance to rheum- 

 atism. I am going to take out a patent for them at the suggestion of 

 Lord Lumbago, who never stirs out without one : it does not in the least 

 affect the shape, as you perceive (turning his back). Sir Jacobus Jallap 

 (of lazaretto-phobia memory) has written a squib against my belts, in 

 consequence of seeing his patient, Lord Lumbago, skaiting last week on 

 the Serpentine, after his positive injunctions to him not to leave his room 

 during the frost. 



Lt. Col. Towlter. Chair, major ; past nine o'clock. Chair. (Major 

 takes the chair). 



Enter Captain Geehogan. R. W. I. . 



Lt. Col. Towlter. Ah, Geeho ! just in time to take your place on the 

 right of the chair. 



Capt. Geehogan. Our friend Mac is at the door. 



Enter MacCarthy hastily. 



Omnes. Welcome, Mac. 



MacCarthy. Mr. President, I beg to be allowed to introduce a friend 

 of mine, Mr. Burgoyne, from Southampton, who is desirous of being 

 admitted a member of our shop. 



Major Claymore. My good Mac, it would be very repugnant to my 

 wishes, and I'm sure, to all here, to decline the pleasure of receiving any 

 friend of yours ; but yell recollect, that no person is eligible to take his 

 seat amongst us, unless he be a member of one or the other of the services, 

 ceevil or meelitary : this may appear an ungracious distinction ; but as 

 the object of our little society is an economical enjoyment of the few 

 social pleasures which our straitened circumstances allow us to pursue, 

 we cannot open the door to every person whom curiosity, or a less par- 

 donable motive, might lead to become a spy on the nakedness of the land. 

 We have all done our duty to king and country in the hard days of trial, 

 and must not forget our duty to ourselves, in preserving, as far as we can, 

 all that is now left us, the pride of our profession. (MacCarthy retires 

 for a minute and re-enters.) 



MacCarthy. Mr. Chair, I am happy to be able to obviate the objec- 

 tion to my friend's admission by stating, that he served as cornet in the 

 Hampshire Fencibles during the late war, and only retired into country 

 life when his regiment was reduced. 



Major Claymore. Gentlemen, ye have all heard what our worthy 

 friend Mac has stated ; after which, it remains with you to decide the 

 question ; as far as my voice goes, I say admit Mr. Bourgyne. 



Omnes. Admit, admit him ! 



Major Claymore. MacCarthy, introduce your friend. 



[MacCarthy retires and returns with his friend, whom he presents 

 to the president and company^} 



Major Claymore. Take your chair, Mester Bourgyne, we are glad to 

 see you amongst us. 



[Burgoyne is followed by a terrier dog unperceived by the company, 

 and which takes its place between his master's feet under the table.~\ 



