QUIZZING. 25 



prohibit all gathering into corners, all tittering or loud laughing (tha 

 absolute death to p"ood breeding), and all petits cries aigues — one and all 

 these must be looked upon as the express artillery of the school-girl and 

 hoyden. To you, fair exclusives ! I can permit no more actual demon- 

 stration of merriment than a tempered laugh or a sweet smile : transient, 

 indeed, must be the expression of contempt that curls your upper lip — 

 vanishing almost in the instant — and but just sufficient to communicate 

 your sentiments to your companion, whom we will suppose to be the 

 accomplished quizzer into which the preceding instructions have aided 

 to raise him. " Staring'' with you, fair girl, is out of the question — a 

 thing not to be dreamt of, but a slight glance of astonishment or surprise 

 will, with you, prove a brilliant assistance. I need scarcely forewarn you 

 not to derange the exquisite repose of your features by any indication 

 of feeling ; leave this to the vulgar, with whom nature is ever paramount 

 to art ; let me presume you, languidly, leaning on the arm of your friend, 

 and promenading the aforesaid ball-room in search of the grotesque : 

 yourself and companion can interchange remarks on the crowd around 

 you, and may consider all your legitimate game — all fit marks for the 

 keen shafts of your quiver. Worth, talents, learning, goodness, beauty, 

 and modesty — what are they ? — mere smoke and vapour ! let the old- 

 fashioned and ridiculous — the dreamers of the days that are gone — let 

 these view them as shields of defence from the arrows of quizzing — you 

 spare them not. If the coat be not "built" by Stultz or Nug^e; the 

 millinery by Victorine, and the bijoutrie furnished by Howell and James 

 — if the proprietors smile out of place or of form, or become guilty of 

 any heresy in ton, spare them not ! they are yours, and may be dis- 

 patched '* without benefit of clergy." 



In an open country at noon-day, it is strange if a traveller loses his 

 path, but in the tangled woods by midnight a guide and a torch are 

 absolute blessings ; so here let me whisper how to poise the weapon 

 when the prey is slippery or dangerous. The minister is thrown out, or 

 the member is dead, — an election for the county approaches — all is 

 expectation and tumult, and promises and patriotism become as drugs in 

 the market ; the gentlemen of your family are suddenly transformed into 

 the most condescending, free, jovial, gallant, rattle-pated cavaliers imagin- 

 able, with a warm shake of the hand for the " brave," and a merry glance 

 and sly kiss for the ** fair ;" while the ladies go forth robed in smiles 

 and loveliness, and all courtesy, sweetness, and melting tenderness, ask 

 after the health of old cobblers, and caress dirty-faced babes with ex- 

 traordinary rapture. A ball is projected^Jto open the hearts of the voters, 

 and you are obliged to lay aside the mantle of dignity, and dance with 

 the son of some large landed-proprietor ; the temptation to |quiz is 

 irresistible: but few persons are so utterly obtuse as not to dis- 

 cover when they are ridiculed — to conciliate the voter is a point with 

 your party, but your amusement must be enjoyed. "How?" you 

 inquire ; nothing more easy ! listen to his stories of horses and dogs, of 

 hunting and shooting, with winning suavity and apparent interest, and 

 having '* fool'd him up to his bent," your diversion is secure ; the few 

 smiles you have bestowed have raised him to the pinnacle of self-com- 

 placency, his cheeks blush with pride, he stands on tip-toe, and his 

 exertions in the dance become more daringly conspicuous, till at the 

 finale, leading you to a seat he gives you a fox-hunter's ** squeeze of 

 the hand," and vows that ** your Ladyship is a very nice girl." His 

 attentions doom you to martyrdom, but take courage ! faint not ! the 

 election ensues, he votes for your father or brother, and receives his 

 congee, falling at once from the sublime heights of ambition and love, 



February, — vol. ii. no. vii. B 



