and probable si ifering. But man alone seems able to plan and persist against 

 difficulties over a long stretch of time. The work of the farmer, for example, 

 continues over many months in anticipation of the harvest. 



Anticipation is not all stimulating, however. A mother preparing a meal 

 for the family may be troubled by anxieties instead of enjoying in advance 

 the satisfaction of feeding the hungry ones. She is troubled by uncertainty 

 as to the next day's meals, and can therefore enjoy neither the meal itself nor 

 the preparations for it. Some might say that looking ahead does not help the 

 mother, since it leads her to worry. But she was able to plan and prepare this 

 meal only by looking ahead. 



How Does Social Living Influence Happiness? 



Learning Restraints We all want to be free to do as we like. Yet the 

 infant would soon perish if he were left to do as he liked. And later we replace 

 what we feel like doing with liking to do something else. 



We all learn rather early that some restraints upon our impulses are neces- 

 sary from the nature of things. The child learns, for example, that he prefers 

 not to touch a flame, or to pull the cat's tail, or to grab a knife. But the regu- 

 lations that other people prescribe for us often seem arbitrary and unreason- 

 able. These Donts and Thou-shalt-nots — prohibitions and denials — make a 

 child unhappy. Why may I not do as I like? Why may I not eat those apples 

 or that candy? Why may I not stay up longer? Why may I not say what I 

 think about that old Mrs. Sourpuss? Why must I wait for Jimmy? 



It is not satisfactory to be told by a larger and stronger person, "Because 

 I said so!" For all one knows to the contrary, the parent or the teacher or the 

 lawmakers might have said just the opposite. Indeed, as we grow older, we 

 discover that other teachers, other people's parents, other lawmakers, have 

 said just the opposite. It does seem arbitrary. Yet we also learn gradually 

 that at least some of the forbidden acts often bring their natural pains and 

 penalties. In some things, the older people seem to know better. In other 

 cases, forbidden acts deprive us of the friendliness and approval of those we 

 like, or they deprive us of those upon whom we depend for favors or for our 

 comfort. And in still other cases, we feel that we can afford tol^rake a chance: 

 perhaps we shall not get caught this time; or perhaps it will not hurt so much; 

 or perhaps the fun is worth the suffering or penalty. That is, we learn rather 

 early in life to weigh values — our present desires against later consequences. 



Becoming Human The infant not only depends upon others from the 

 first for his health and survival; as he grows older he depends increasingly 

 upon others for a multitude of satisfactions and services. He depends upon 

 others for praise and approval, for consolation and encouragement, for under- 

 standing and affection. 



665 



