546 THE POPULAR SCIENCE MONTHLY. 



brains more than mere brick-and-mortar. When we decided to get 

 brains, he again annoyed us, saying that we ought not to employ 

 professors until we were sure of our ability to pay tliem. Such incon- 

 sistencies were naturally self-destructive; so we listened politely to 

 his wild and extravagant ideas, then quietly ignored whatever he said, 

 and did as we had previously determined. Other colleges had fiije 

 buildings, contracted debts, and worked on the sure foundations of 

 faith, hope, and (to be received) charity. We would follow the com- 

 mon example, and succeed. To this Brother A added that other 



colleges sometimes failed, and so might ours ; but I, for one, could not 

 vmderstand the relevancy of the remark. 



So the board agreed, with but one dissenting voice, to appoint a 

 Faculty. The next step led to squabbles. Every member had some 

 protege to provide for ; each one desired that certain chairs should 

 be established and others omitted no two could agree altogether. 

 First, of course, we decided to choose a president, for a college with- 

 out a president would be like a house without a roof. We would, 

 therefore, appoint a president, and then let him advise us what to do 

 next ; although taking his advice might be quite another matter. As 



was to be expected. Brother A again interfered, saying that a 



president would be a useless expense ; that he would merely draw the 

 highest salary and do the least work of any member of the Faculty. 

 To sustain his arguments he called our attention to the fact that the 

 German universities have no presidents, whereupon I jocosely re- 

 marked that " they could alFord no precedent for us." With their 

 infidel tendencies they are indeed bad exemplars, and it would be a 

 great pity if any free American institution should ever copy after them. 



After a long and tedious discussion we at last fixed our choice 

 upon a prominent Eastern clergyman, and ofiered him the splendid 

 salary of $2,500 dollars a year. His parish, however, paid him $6,000, 

 and so he gratefully declined our proposition. Several other ventures 

 resulted in tlie same way, and thus three months passed with nothing 

 accomplished. Finally, the lightning struck in a most unexpected 

 quarter, and I, the humble writer of these pages, was really chosen 

 President of Virtue University. This choice was opposed by Brother 



A with more than his usual bitterness ; why, I never could quite 



understand. He disclaimed all personal feeling in the matter, pro- 

 fessed great esteem for me, and all that sort of thing, but thouglit I 

 was hardly qualified for the place. He pointed out that I had had no 

 experience in educational affairs ; that I w^as a graduate, not of a col- 

 lege, but only of a theological seminary ; and stoutly maintained that 

 we ought to choose either a thoroughly-trained educator or nobody at 

 alh Now, it was well knowni that I had successfully, not to say brill- 

 iantly, served several terms upon the school committee ; and also that 

 I had once been chaplain of a small college in the northern part of the 

 State. These facts, coupled with the slirewd suspicion tliat Brother 



