THE MISERIES OF A GRAMMARIAN. 61 



On the appearance of Mrs. Middleditch, a citizen's widow, he 

 entreated her to remove that nuisance, meaning the house maid, and 

 informing her that if she could get a decent-spoken lad, he would 

 take him as his body servant. This was agreed upon ; but Mrs. 

 Middleditch's kakology was a second source of misery. 



' Poor uncultiwated vretch,^ said she (the doctor shivered), ' you 

 must make great allowances for the likes of her' (the doctor shook 

 his head) : ' vat she vished vas how to address you with proper-iotyJ 



* Had you said, madam, how to distress one, she would have 

 succeeded.* 



' And, doctor, moreover to require (inquire) your family name 

 and disqualifications.'' 



' Mercy defend us !' ejaculated the doctor. 



' Vether^ continued Mrs. Middleditch, * vether you he a legisla- 

 tor, or divine, a phisicianer, or a practitioner in the courts of law, a 

 purfessor, or a theologician V 



She stopped for breath : the poor doctor was nearly stopped. 



* Pray, madam, withdraw,' said he ; ' I am taken suddenly ill — 

 leave me to myself — there is my card.' 



' Sir, you're a gentleman. A slight tich of the spasmodics, or hys- 

 terical infection ; I trust nothing more, and hopes to see you all right 

 agin at six o'clock, at our dinner table.' (Exit the landlady, leav- 

 ing the doctor in an agony,) When returned to himself, he lamented 

 his unlucky star, which conducted him to such a house; but re- 

 solved never to address himself to his landlady more than what was 

 unavoidable, and to attach himself, as much as possible, as neigh- 

 bour, at the dinner table, to the best scholar, male or female, in the 

 house. After poring over Sophocles for two hours, he heard the 

 dinner bell ring, and suddenly repaired to the drawing room, where 

 two pretty women and a young man first struck his eyes ; the for- 

 mer brought a blush in his countenance, for he loved the sex ; but 

 was out of his element in gallantry and small talk. He made an 

 awkward bow, at which the youth laughed and looked hoaxingly at 

 the ladies. Mrs. Middleditch now entered the room with — * A 

 small party to-day. Mr. O'Dogherty dines out, and our tother 

 beau is galivanting with a rich stock broker's daughter ; but, pray 

 come down to dinner, all the goodness of the soup is eivaperating, 

 and the line of weel will be stone cold. Doctor, do'nt you cocide 

 with me, that if meat is neither ot nor cold, it's not vorth nothing T 

 The doctor's features changed, he was writhing with pain — the co- 

 dding overturned him a little, but the two negatives, making an 

 affirmative, struck him dumb. The spruce youth now flew off with 



