THE MISERIES OF A GRAMMARIAN. 63 



* Then, madam, allow me to decline the synonimous terms, by a 

 simple negative/ 



' Vat a funny man !' cried ma'am Middleditch. 

 Here the doctor's knife and fork fell from his hands — he had 

 never been called a funny man before. 



' You eat nothing, vous ne mangez pas,^ said one fair neighbour. 

 ' He's in love, he, he, he, he ! ' responded the other. 



* Love at first sight !' exclaimed the puppy, * but what wonder 

 between two flames?' 



This trifling with a scholar, and a man of sensibility, was too bad, 

 and he felt it keenly : he sighed deeply, and ventured on a sweet- 

 bread, which finished his dinner. At dessert he was about to take 

 some fruit, when the lady of the house offered him his choice be- 

 tween Portingale grapes, Bergami pares, and Chainy horanges: 

 had she said China, it might have broken the thread of vulgarity ; 

 but the chainy was adding another link to the heavy fetters which 

 bound the grammarian's patience. The ladies now retired, and the 

 greatest of the flirts, as if by a redeeming quality, shook the doctor 

 by the hand at parting. The young man, with an assumed pre- 

 eminence, drew up to the doctor and thus began : — 



' Fill your glass, sir, it's bad taste to drink toasts ; but these are 

 a brace of decentish articles. We'll drink the ladies. I should 

 like to be the husband of either of them for a little while. What 

 say you, old gentleman ? Clarissa and you are hand and glove 

 already.' 



The doctor smiled in scorn, and observed, ' Young gentleman, a 

 little more decorum if you please : the question you put to me 

 merits no reply ; but it is a pity that these innocent young ladies 

 should not be aware of your profligate ideas in regard to them.' 



A pause, and the fool fetched up a short cough, which was fol- 

 lowed by ' I say' — 



' I know you do.' 



* I say, have you heard any thing about the Ledger?' 



* What Ledger, sir ? Do you do any thing so useful as to keep 

 a ledger V 



Here the confusion fell upon the young man : he had kept a 

 ledger, but had thrown his quill aside for a sword, and was an in- 

 sect ensign on his way to join for the first time. 



He recovered — ^ By the Ledger, we mean the St. Ledger : it's a 

 race.' 



' Oh ! a race ! I hope it is not that which you belong to !' 

 ' Nonsense,' replied the young undrrlled ensign, a race at Doncas- 



