Addeesses — Humbugs. 151 



a [hurry to carry out and add it up, but you have only ordered 

 what you want, and as the trees are not to come till fall, it does 

 not matter. 



Fall comes; one cold spell, no trees yet, but here comes a notice; 

 you go to town; find a man delivering a lot of trees and bundles, 

 all about in the wind and sun. This is not the man you bought of, but 

 he shows you your orders all footed up now, and it scares you; the 

 bundle is so small marked for you that you refuse to take it, but 

 you now take a memorandum of the order and talk it over with 

 your wife; she thinks that all those things were talked of, and after 

 consulting a lawyer, you conclude to take the bundle. It has not 

 improved any by lying two days in the wind and sun. After you 

 get home and compare the bill and bundle, you find the Russian 

 trees all look just alike, although they have ten different names on 

 them; the Alaska crabs are just little riding whips, " bearing size " 

 truly! and they look like a kind that you have already; the " Utah 

 cherries," about one foot high, and the " French pears," they too 

 must be dwarfs, only two feet high; the tree rose and strawberry 

 tree, wonderful, just six inches high; the blue roses look as though 

 they always would be blue, and the grapes, " bearing size," about 

 the size of a knitting needle, "need no protection!" I guess 

 they will not only need protection now, but a good deal of nursing; 

 and the plums, why the curculio could never find them; but here 

 comes a little wad marked " strawberries, one hundred," what a 

 little bundle for twenty-five dollars. Who ever heard of strawber- 

 berries at twenty-five dollars per hundred. They must be the hen's 

 egg kind! "Shade trees," four feet high; what a shadow! " Ever- 

 greens," one foot; how they will break the wind next winter! Well, 

 the bundle is sorted and the trees must be set out. As you cut the 

 roots they look as if they had been frosted, but it is too late to cry 

 for spilt milk; the trees are set, a portion of the bundle is put in 

 the cellar to dry up, and the result will be, what few things live 

 will bear anything but what they are marked; the strawberries are 

 a little sour berry, the Russians are all some worthless apple; Alaska 

 crab, alas! alas! the tree looks like Briar's Sweet. 



This is but a faint description of what is transacted every day 

 throughout the country. The unknown, irresponsible tree tramp 

 will persuade you he is working for such a firm, and will buy up 

 worthless stock anywhere he can find it cheapest; fill the orders; 



