No. 105.] 91 



He don't volunteer to go to Texas, nor to quarrel about boundaries. 

 The Neuces and the Rio Grande are beyond the hounds of his ambi- 

 tion. 



Although JVative American " to the manor born," yet he is not in 

 profession, for instead of having but one 'principle, he assimilates 

 nearer to his type who goes for seven principles, viz., the Jive loaves 

 and two small fishes. 



Abolitionists — see how their feelings bristle when their indignation 

 is excited, " with strong arms and fiery eyes," how their backs are 

 up at the cries of one of their brethren in durance vile. 



Amalgamationists — black and white is not a color with them, only 

 its negation, the whole race is one — Berkshire or Leicester, black or 

 white, they love all through the chapter. 



Anti-Renters — like Falstaff, they give no reasons, nor pay any 

 rents on compulsion ; no, not if as plenty as blackberries, but unlike 

 them they submit to quarter sales. 



He is not a believer in Father Miller's calorific prophecies, although 

 he often puts on his ascension robes, but they smell rather too much 

 of the " earth, earthy," and by his indifference he strongly insinuates 

 that the doctrine is " the deuce to pay and no pitch hot," or, as a 

 very fussy old gentleman once said when he undertook to shear him, 

 " great cry and little wool." 



He is a life member of all the temperance societies extant — a full 

 blooded Washingtonian Son of Temperance and Rechabite, water is 

 his Gin-eva. and buttermilk his champaigne ; yet he has been foully 

 slandered by the saying " as drunk as Davy's sow." 



He never laughs or ivhistles — his mouth isn't fixed right ; he 

 could'nt " prepare to pucker," and it is an old saying, that you 

 can't make a " whistle out of a pig's tail," nor a " silk purse out of 

 a sow's ear," but her ears when properly soused will bring the 

 '* golden mint drops" to fill the silken purse. 



Like man, his back is up with any interference of his rights, and 

 he is not to be driven, unless you put his head one way and pull his 

 tail the other, like some of the higher mammal species (no reference 

 to the Mrs. Caudles) who act by the rule of contraries; and he is 

 very apt to put his nose in places where he has no business, and 

 sometimes gets it tweaked for his pains. 



None of his higher type can more brutally imitate the ferocities of 

 the pugilistic ring, or more enthusiastically enjoy the sports of the 

 turf. 



A mathematician — he understands latitude and longitude, and if he 

 cannot " raise the whirlwind and direct the storm," his barometrical 

 properties invariably indicate its approach. 



He has also some pretensions to classical celebrity. In the early 

 stages of our national literature, learned pigs divided the laurel with 

 some of our learned men ; and in those days when we did'nt print 

 by cart loads and avalanches, nothing made a greater sensation in 

 the reading world than Hoss^s Tales. 



He is the only creature that improves by hanging ; a man or a dog 

 is'nt worth half as much after this ticklish operation, but he becomes 



