172 STATE POMOLOGICAL SOCIETY. 



knocking one of the drummers came to the door, and the land- 

 lord says "What does this mean, your ringing the bell this time 

 of night?" "Well," he said, "this is an adjunct to the hotel and 

 when you want anything we supposed you had to ring for it." 

 "Well," he says, "what is wanted?" He says "We would like 

 to have you send two cocktails to pew 13." Now we didn't 

 think you would take advantage of the last part of that story, 

 but we didn't know but what we might be obliged to take advan- 

 tage of the first. 



I want to tell you one little experience I had in my somewhat 

 extensive practice before the justices of the peace in this county, 

 and it seems to me quite funny. Perhaps some of you have 

 heard it ; perhaps not. I was trying a very desperate criminal 

 for the offense of breaking the Sabbath day and after the justice 

 had heard all the evidence he fined the respondent $2. My 

 client took the $2 out of his pocket, threw it down on the judge's 

 desk and said "Now Judge, I want a receipt." The judge said, 

 "We don't give any receipts in criminal cases but I will minute 

 the fact on the docket." He says "I know. Judge, but I want a 

 receipt. When I go to heaven and I get up there before the 

 recording angel, and he opens the debit side of my account and 

 he finds there, debtor to breaking the Sabbath $2, then" he says 

 "with those cherubim and seraphim a-singing and a-dancing all 

 around me, I don't want to have to leave that beautiful place and 

 go hunting all over hell for you and your docket." 



Mr. Whitmore, President Gardiner Board of Trade. 

 On behalf of the board of trade I extend to you a very hearty 

 welcome to our city. Though your accommodations may not 

 have been as large as we could have furnished before the Coli- 

 seum was burned, still I hope that the lack of the accommoda- 

 tions is more than made up by the hospitality of the members 

 of our board and the citizens of Gardiner. I also wish to say 

 that we were very much pleased with your program of last 

 evening. I was considerably surprised at the number of apples 

 shipped from this State ; though I knew the crop had been large, 

 I had no idea that there had been so many sold or shipped out 

 of the State. And I was also surprised some seasons ago when 



