178 MISSOURI STATE HORTICULTURAL SOCIETY. 



break timidly from the dark, cold ground into the glad, free air of the 

 best country the sun shines upon, to live a few happy days and then go 

 down under an unseasonable frost; or, before an army of invading cut- 

 worms. I have never been able to get my cabbages to head, while the 

 yield from my rank and thrifty potato vine has rarely been enough for 

 the next years planting. 



These astounding results were at last explained to me by an old 

 neighbor who passes by frequently. He came up and rested his arms on 

 the fence once while I was busily engaged in digging a hole big enough 

 for a cistern, in my frantic effort to find a potato as large as a bird's-egg, 

 and remarked: 



' Your potatoes don't seem to turn out well." 



I was warm and my reply indicated that a very small sum would 

 easily purchase the entire crop. 



*' Wall," said my old friend, "you lawyers think you know it all, and 

 I haven't felt like meddling, but I have noticed that you always set your 

 cabbage plants and planted your potatoes in the wrong time of the 

 moon." 



That settled the business for me. Up to that hour I was resolved 

 to persevere as an amateur horticulturist. I had reconciled myself to the 

 idea that I must learn botany, entomology, zoology, meteorology and 

 chemistry, but now it was plainly intimated that I must add astronomy 

 to the list, and lay out cold nights watching the fickle moon, in her pha- 

 ses, through a costly tel-i^scope. This was the last straw that broke the 

 camel's back. Then and there I ceased to be a practical horticulturist. 

 Since that day my garden spot has been the wonder of the neighborhood 

 for the luxuriance and variety of its rag-weed, crab-grass and dog-fennel. 

 I must admit that I have lost pretty much all interest in your art, but if 

 the moon-theory happens to form the theme of some of your discussions, 

 I should like the best in the world to be present. 



And now I once more bid you a sincere welcome to our little city. 

 Remember, you are our honored guests, and all of our doors are open 

 unto you. You must visit our asylum, where you will see the craziest 

 people in the world. You will be shown our wonderful artesian well, 

 and have the pleasure of trying its life-giving waters. I trust that during 

 your stay here you will see so many things to admire, meet so many 

 pleasant gentlemen and beautiful ladies, and be treated so royally in ev- 

 ery way, that you will ever afterwards realize how great is your misfor- 

 tune in not being one of us. 



At the conclusion of Mr. Kimball's remarks President Evans arose 

 and said : 



