346 Colonel Billy vs. Uncle John. [July, 



hard work for "Dobbin" approaching fast— he gets his corn, and is 

 nightly turned out to "pick grass" after a hard day's plowing. Dob- 

 bin frequently don't choose to come up early, and the plow starts one or 

 two hours by sun ; the Colonel walks himself " to death," hunting him 

 all the morning, and, trying to make a good day's work by the night, is 

 " tired to death," weary and vexed, having to turn Dobbin out again ; 

 he loses the cheerfulness of a father and a husband, and tumbles into 

 bed like a log, fretful and fretting at his misfortune of having no " ruf- 

 fage for his plow-horse." He concludes *' it will never do to let the plow 

 stand still," and again goes to " hunting fodder." After consuming two 

 days so extremely valuable to him, he buys, at a double price, and hauls 

 it home. Here a hole is made in his little cotton crop. So much for 

 the shucking, the quilting, the dance, the row, and the shucks being lost. 

 Nor does "Colonel Billy's" misfortune stop here. 



The Colonel, early in life, conceived a strong military penchant, and 

 soon determined to get, if possible, into a situation to be ready to " fight 

 his country's battles," with renown to himself and glory to his country, 

 should its enemies ever " invade its peaceful shores." From rank to 

 rank he rose, until he honorably was elected " Colonel of the Third Eegi- 

 ment ;" but notwithstanding the glitter of his epaulettes, and the im- 

 posing size of his sword, the mass of his acquaintances could never admit 

 or apply any other title to him than the familiar one of " Colonel Billy," 

 for they never failed to add, he was " a good soul." This military 

 advancement, however, brings the Colonel, although in a time of profound 

 peace, and no earthly prospect of hostilities, " a power of military busi- 

 ness to attend to," and with it a great many military visitants, who 

 occasionally fight some excellent battles over a glass of excellent toddy. 

 «' Scott's Military Tactics," and " Vauban's Art of War," with an old 

 family Bible, the "Pilgrim's Progress," and " Tom Thumb," with the 

 childrens' Spelling-book, constitute the Colonel's library ; the first two 

 being read to him in a scholar-like manner, by the schoolmaster of the 

 neighborhood, who visits him every Friday night for that and similar 

 purposes. The consequence, however, among others, is that the " corn 

 goes mighty fast," and the Colonel generally becomes the purchaser late 

 in the season ; and this makes another vent in his little cotton crop. 

 At this he frets and often makes loud complaints about his " bad luck ;" 

 and, to add to the Colonel's mortification, you sometimes see a constable's 

 horse hitched at his gate. 



" Uncle John " never has any shucking, no quilting, dancing, nor 

 rowing. His corn is put up in the shuck, the whole shuck — no slip- 

 shuck business with him ; as he uses it, the corn is shucked, and the 



