THE FARM AND GARDEN. 



15 



INDUGBMBNIIS TO I^BNEW., 



The coming rage in hair is a soft and tender 

 red, like that of a tomato which has grown old 

 and lost usefulness. 



It is hardly probable that there are any tele- 

 phones in heaven. And yet every angel will be 

 recognizable by his lialo. 



Tlie evil things that men do live after them. 

 Even wlien an amatenr cornetest dies, he leaves 

 the fatal instrument behind. 



'* Now children," said the teacher, " what do» 

 you call the meal you eat in the morning?" 

 ''Oatmeal! " uromptly replied a member of the 

 class. 



" Captain ! Captain ! cried tne nervous traveler, 

 "the vessel issinking; I'm sure it is." "Calm 

 yourself, my dear sir," replied the Captain, " we 

 have a large insurance on the cargo." 



A Scotch physician claims to have discovered a 

 way to make the hardest voice soft and sweet. It 

 is probably to jump on it until it becomes flexi- 

 ble. 



An egg farm is to be started near Birraington, 

 Ala., and all the darkies within a hundred miles 

 of it have suddenly come to the conclusion that 

 the climate of that place is just what they have 

 wanted for years. 



If there is any gin wno doesn't like to pop the 

 question, even if it is yet leap year, she can get 

 ar jund it by asking her young man if he'd be 

 willing to fill in his name on her marriage certi- 

 ficate. 



A book just published, is entitled "How to 

 Make $.500 Yearly Proiit with Twelve Hens." 

 During the past lew years, some persons have 

 asked such a high price for eggs, that an impres- 

 sion prevailed that they wanted to make a proiit 

 of $500 a year with one hen. 



A little girl accompanying her mother on a 

 visit to an old lady, the latter showed the child 

 her parrot, in his cage by the window, warning 

 her at the same time not to go too near, le.'^t he 

 should bite her. "Why should he bite me?" 

 she asked. "Because my dear, he doesn't know 

 you." "Then please tell him that I am Mary 

 Anne'" 



" Will you kindly tell me what is going on in 

 that church?" asked a tramp of a gentleman 

 who had just descended tlie steps. 



" They are holding a church fair." 



"I am very sorry." 



"Why are you sorry, my friend?" 



" Well, I was going to ask you to help me, but 

 if you have been in there it ain't no use." 



A lady — a French lady — is showing a visitor 

 the family portraits in the picture gallery. 



" That officer there in the uniform," she says, 

 " was my great-great-grandfather. He was as 

 brave as a lion; but one of the most unfortunate 

 of men — he never fought a battle in which hedid 

 not have an arm or leg carried away." 



Then she adds proudly : " He took part in 

 twenty-four engagements." 



A Montpelier five-year-oldof our acquaintance 

 v,as once invited, with the rest of the family, to 

 take tea at the house of a friend. The head of 

 the family had taken pains to prepare a tempting 

 supper for his guests, anvl, wlien all were seated 

 at the table, and it came five-year-old's turn to 

 be helped, the host said: "Well, Johnny, what 

 will you have ? " Johnny looked over the table 

 a minute, and then made this crushing reply : 

 " When I am at home and don't see anything 

 good to eat on the table, I have crackers and 

 milk, and I guess I'll have crackers and milk 

 now." 



He was telling them in the village store that 

 his son in Chicago had failed, and when they 

 asked for particulars he explained: 



" Why, he writes me that he bought wheat for 

 July deiiverv and got left." 



""How left"?" 



"I dunno, but I guess he couldn't deliver it. 

 Mebbe teams was awful skeerce, and mebbe the 

 roads was bad." 



" Well," said one of the crowd as he brought 

 his hand down on the counter: "If I had a 

 knowed that your son Bill was pinched to deliver 

 wheat, I'd gin him the use of my team a whole 

 fortnight for nuthin', fur Bill was one of the best 

 boys who ever left this town." 



" And me, too ! " added every man in the crowd, 

 while the old man observed : 



■ It'll probably be a warning to William, and 

 meblje he'll set in and buy watermelons for Jan- 

 uary delivery and get on liis feet again." 



Your renewal ia now solicited. See our Annual 

 Premium Liit. 



A MAGNIFICENT OFFER. 



, 1 Silver-plated Butter Knifo. 1 Silver-Plated j 

 \ Sues.r Shell, 6 Silver Steel Tea Spoons in hand- I 

 1 some case an d Six Montlia Subscription to I 

 ^ "KOME GirE3T,"the Popular Illustrated MaRazine, f 

 ill sent postpai'i fur 4fl<'. in Bljmpq to pav posta'-'. pack- 1 

 liDg, Ao. €U I»u/ Oiltr. I'ubl't* Hume Ouixt,! 

 llurttord, <. otiti.^ 



t^' 





NEW^Pl 'Singer' 



115 



pach. 



CEO. PAYN 



nacUinesouljA I 



Includinpr an $8.00setof | 

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A BOX OF. FUN! 



To any reader of this paper who will send 

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 eend FREE our New A penis' Sample Book 

 of Cards wiih price luL "fa hundred et vies and 

 larce premium list. We will also mail joa 

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V. S. CAKD CO., C£NX£UB£00K; OOKN. 



AlOVELY. CHRISTMAS GIFT. 



^^FJ^ Every Christmas we make tlie little 



folks aChriEtniAs Present. TLisyear 

 we have Bomelhirg nice and pn^tly. 

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 wewiilseiid lo any boy orpirllroo 

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 .\' ^•R ^'F<;. CO.. Ivorvton. Conn. 



II!STLETOnEMIES; 



OP, What the IfoetA Soy 

 About Christmas. 



Comprising a collec- 

 tion of poems 6elect«(l 

 Trom the writings of H. 

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 Ain-ed Domett, Chas. 

 Mackay. Sir 'Walter 

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 others. The whole 

 bound in banner shape, 

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 and tassels. , The cover 

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 ted in nearlv eighteen 

 colors (being an almost 

 exact facsimile ofland- 

 scape studies painted 

 ill oil colors on gold 

 pebbie board), and 

 ranks exceedinglv high 

 a* an important art 

 production of the prem- 

 ier class. The original 

 designs were drawn by 

 H, Maurice Page, and 

 were awarded a prize 

 of 50 lbs. Sterling at 

 the Suffolk Sireei Lon- 

 don GalleriEs in • oom- 

 petitive exhibitor BOW 

 entries. For presenta- 

 tion, this art souvenir 

 is vastly superior to a 

 mere Christmas card, 

 as it combines the ad- 

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 and literature' Size, 4 

 by 6^4 inches. Price, 

 with envelope and pro- 

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 *uken. Order now. 



Address FRANK 

 I.IN NEWS CO., 

 Philadelphia, Pa* 



OUR NEW ilFE! EXAMINE IT! 



Laree blade, extra sii-onie; 2 pen blades; 

 nil iiinde i-oiiipaet : elean cut- 

 tine pileeN ' Minootli handle j 

 wnrrnnieil blades. p»nt post-paid 

 forSl.OO; Hix f<.rSi5.00. Tins is 

 tlif best knile lor tlie price 

 wcliave ever sliown here. 

 Gent's fine 3-blade pen- 

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 lack -knife. 50 c. Ladies' 2- 

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 «1, I'runine knife, SI, 

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MAHER & GROSH, 



^ '^ Summit St.. Toledo. 0. 



OUR BULB OFFERS. 



That we might offer liberal premiums 

 to oi(r subscribers, we have imported di- 

 rect from the (jroicers in Europe and the 

 Bermudas, the finest lot of bulbs we have 

 ever seen. These we have decided to offer 

 to our friends in the following liberal 

 collections : — 



Our 60-cent Collection, 



Sent free by mail, and including one 

 year's subscription to The tarm and 

 Garden, will contain One fine Dutch Hy- 

 acinth, Two Grape Hyacinths, Two Tulips, 

 five Crocus (each of a different color), 

 One Scilla Siberica, One Single Narcissus 

 Poeticus, making in all, when quality is 

 considered, as fine a coll eUion of winter- 

 blooming bulbs as could be usually bought 

 /or $1.00. 



For. SI.OO 



We will send one fine bulb of Lilium Har- 

 rissii (see cut on page 1), imported by us 

 from grotcers in llcrmuda. One Dutch 

 Hyacinth, Five Tulips, Six Crocus (four 

 colors), Three Spanish Iris, Three Snow- 

 drops ; included with this is a year's sub- 

 scription to The Farm and Garden. 



For S2.00 



W'^ will send Two bulbs of Lilium Har- 

 rissii, One Scilla Siberica, Four Spanish 

 Iris, Two Ixias, One Snowdrop, Tlirce 

 Oralis, Seven Single Narcisiius Poeticus, 

 One Jonquil, One tulip. Five Crocus 

 (different colors). One Feather Hi/aeinlh. 

 With these we will include a year's sub- 

 scription to The Farm and Garden. 



