i8o3» RemotiJIraiJceofiheNewcaJfleCoalhcaverf. 40f 



my notice, wliere he fiys, that tlie fat mutton, the breed of 

 which he fo ilronG;ly reprobates, is only fit * to ghde down the 

 throat oi a Nt'wrajl/e Coalheaver. * 



Forcibly ftruck with the dangerous confequcnces wliich this 

 might produce, by fpreading an idea, that any mutton, Iiowever 

 grofs and rajik, would find a ready market among my fable 

 brethren, I indignantly put the Magazine in my pocket, and de- 

 fcended to the bowels of the earth, to communicate wliat I had 

 feen. No fooner had I read the odious paffage, than the whole 

 fubterraneous regions were in an uproar. An old heaver, 

 who was well known to delight in a mutton chop, inllantly pro- 

 pofcd, that, armed with ihovels and pick-axes, we fhould fally 

 forth, and fwear vengeance and dellru6lion again (I the man who 

 dared to promulgate fuch a doctrine. Another fuggefted, that a 

 fele6l few (houM be difpatched, to bring the culprit, bound hand 

 and foot, to our dark abodes •, and there, by grofs feeding, con- 

 vince him of -its dangerous tendency to people of our fedqntary 

 habits. In (hort, the ruin of Epicurus feemed inevitable, had 

 not fome one, more cunning than the reft, hinted, that there 

 might be fome difficulty in difcovering where he was to be found* 

 This puzzled us a good deal. Some tliought he muft be an Eaft- 

 Lothian farmer; but, none of us had heard of any family there of 

 that outlandifn name. Others conje£lured, with great feeming pro- 

 bability, that it muft be the Greek or Ldtin name for an Epicure. 

 But I, from the circumftance of my father having been a fchool- 

 mafter, remembered to have heard of fome heathen philofopher 

 of that name ; and fuppofing, that arguments would have more 

 weight with a gentleman of that defcription, than violent mea- 

 fures, propofed that a calm remonftrance fliould, in the firft: 

 place, be written him, through the medium of your Magazine, 

 before proceeding to extremities; requefting him ferioufly 

 to reconfider the fubje6l, and to take fome effedual mea- 

 fures for doing away the evil hkely to be occafioncd by his 

 eflay. This was unanimoully approved of, and I was appointed 

 to convey the fentiments of the meeting to you. 



I have, therefore, Mr Editor, to beg you will infert this m 

 your next Publication ; and I would fain hope, that Epicurus 

 will be brought to be of opinion that the farmers who raife this 

 abufed breed of ftieep, muft find fome other channel for them to 

 glide in, than the throat of 



A Newcastle Coalheaver. 

 '^e'wcaJlk-upon'Tpe^ 2^th Aug. 1803. 



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