THE FRUITS IN CONVENTION. 



349 



this tomfoolery about foreign names. A 

 name either meant something or it did not. 

 Anybody who looked at him could see that 

 he was a Red-Streak, and that was all that 

 his father expected when he named him. 

 Anybody could believe that the last speaker 

 was a Duchess. But what, he should like 

 to know, did the man mean who named a 

 Peach " Sanguinole a chair adherent .'" He 

 should like to meet that chap. It would 

 be a regular raw-head and bloody-bones 

 piece of business for him. And " Fondant e 

 du Boh ;" he supposed that was the fond 

 aunt of some b'hoys, — it might be the "old 

 boy," for all he knew. And " Beurri Gris 

 d' Hiver nouveau." Could anything be more 

 ridiculous ! He shou'd like to know how 

 those clever people, the pomologists, would 

 translate that ? They told hi :i, " new gray 

 winter butter," [laughter ;) and what sort 

 of winter butter, pray, was that? " Reine 

 de Pays has ;" what this meant, he did not 

 exactly know, — something, he supposed, 

 about " rainy weather pays bad," which 

 would not go down, he could tell the gen- 

 tlemen, in our dry climate. There was 

 no end to this stuff, he said. He seconded 

 the Pippin. Clear it all away ; boil it 

 down to a little pure, plain English essence, 

 if there was any substance in it ; if not, 

 throw the lingo to the dogs. He hoped 

 the Pears would excuse him. He meant 

 no offence to them, personalty. But he 

 did'nt like their names, and he told them 

 so to their faces. 



The Minister Apple here observed that 

 he had some moral scruples about changing 

 the names of all the fruits. It might have 

 a bad effect on the hearts and minds of the 

 community. He begged leave to present 

 to the speaker's consideration such names, 

 for example, as the " Ah mon Dim" and 

 the " Cuisse Madame" Pears ! There were 

 many who grew those Pears, and, like our 



first parents, did not know the real nature 

 of the fruits in the garden. Happy igno- 

 rance! Translate them, and they would, 

 he feared, become fruits of the tree of 

 knowledge. 



A ta'l Mazzard Cherry hereupon re- 

 marked, (wiping his spectacles,) that a very 

 easy way of avoiding the danger which his 

 worthy friend, who had just sat down, had 

 pointed out, would be to reject both the 

 Pears and the names, when they were no 

 better than the last. He was a warm friend 

 to progress in horticulture, and he was fully 

 of the opinion of the Jersey Red Streak, 

 that things should not come among us, plain 

 republicans, in disguise. How, indeed, did 

 we know that these Pears of France were 

 not sent out here under these queer names 

 for the very purpose of corrupting our 

 morals ; or, at least, imposing on us in 

 some way. He had been settled in a gar- 

 den for some years, among a pleasant so- 

 ciety of trees, when last spring the owner 

 introduced a new Pear from abroad, under 

 the fine name of " Chat bride." For some 

 time the thing put on airs, and talked about 

 its estate and chateau having been destroy- 

 ed by incendiaries ; and it showed a pe- 

 tition for charity. What was his amaze- 

 ment, one day, when the daughter of the 

 proprietor came in the garden, to see the 

 contempt with which she turned away from 

 this Pear, and exclaimed, " what could have 

 induced pa to have brought this ' singed 

 cat' here ?" Chat brule, indeed ! He bent 

 over the creature and switched her finely 

 the first stormy day. He was for translating 

 all good fruits and damning all bad ones; 

 (At hearing this, certain second rate Straw- 

 berries commenced running.) 



The convention grew very excited as the 

 Mazzard sat down. The Muscat Noir Grape 

 looked black in the face ; the Crown Bob 

 Gooseberry threw up his hat ; and the Blood 



