350 



THE FRUITS IN CONVENTION 1 , 



Peach, who had been flirting with a very I " Lady Apple," I am invited everywhere 

 worthless fellow — the French soft-shelled i among the most fashionable people. Yes, 

 Almond — turned quite crimson all over. Mr. Speaker, this country has charmingly 

 Criesof "order, order," were heard from all been called the paradise of ladies; and I 

 sides; and it was only restored when a would advise all deserving and modest girls 

 little, plump, Dolly-Varden looking young in jeune France, to come over to younger 

 girl, who was a great favorite in good America, and change their names as quickly 

 society, sprang upon a chair in order to be as they can. {Hear, hear, especially from 



seen and heard. 



This was the Lady Apple. Her eyes 

 sparkled, and set ofT her brilliant complex- 

 ion, which was quite dazzlingly fair. It 

 was easy to see that she was a sort of 

 spoiled child among the fruits. 



Mr. Speaker, she said in a very sweet 

 voice, you will indulge me, I am sure, with 

 a very little speech — my maiden speech. 

 I should not have ventured here, but 1 posi- 

 tively thought it was to have been a private 

 party, and not one of these odious mass 

 meetings. I am accustomed to the society 

 of well bred people, and know something 

 of the polite languages of both hemispheres. 

 Indted, my ancestors still live in France, 

 though I am myself a real American. What 

 I have to tell is only a little of my own 



the Jonathan Apple.) If they will take my 

 advice, they will put off* all foolish pride and 

 fine names that mean nothing, and try to 

 speak plain English, and dress in the latest 

 republican style ; (especially, — she added, 

 aside, turning to the foreign Pears,— ^espe- 

 cially as the fashions always come from 

 Paris.) 



This lively little sally evidently made a 

 favorable impression. The Bartlett Pear 

 said he was nobody in France as the Poire 

 Guillame, while here, where the climate 

 agreed so much better with his constitution, 

 he was a favorite with high and low. The 

 Duchesse d'Orlcans thought it best for ladies 

 like herself, who did not expect to associate 

 with any but the educated class, to retain 

 their foreign names. The Jargonell Pear 



experience ; which is, that one may, if one said he had heard a great deal of talk, 



has good looks, and is a person of taste, 

 have her name changed without suffering 

 the least loss of character or reputation. 

 Indeed, I am convinced it may often add 

 to her circle of admirers, by making her 

 better understood and appreciated. I am 

 almost ashamed, ladies and gentlemen, to 

 refer to my own life, illustrative of this re- 

 mark. (Cheers.) [Here she blushed, and 

 looked around her very sweetly.] At home, 

 there in la belle France, I belong to the old 

 and very respectable family of the Api's. 

 There was not much in that ; but mostly 

 shut up in an old dingy chateau, — no so- 

 ciety — no evening parties — no excitement. 

 I assure you it was very dull. In this coun- 

 try, where I am known everywhere as the 



which to him was a mere babel of tongues. 

 His name was the same on both sides of 

 the water. The Flemish Beauty said, on 

 the other hand, that she was a great deal 

 more loved in this country now, than when 

 she first came here as the Belle de Flan- 

 dres. The Bcllefleur Apple observed, she 

 had tried to maintain her foreign etymolo- 

 gy in this country without success, and 

 meant to be henceforth plain Bellflower ; 

 and the Surprise Apple turned red, as he 

 attempted to say something (the Morello 

 trying to hiss him down ;) but he was only 

 able to stammer out his astonishment that 

 any one could doubt the policy of so wise 

 a movement. 



There was here a tumult among some 



