34 



must be others living somewhere, perhaps off East London. But 

 was it reasonable to think that such big fishes as this could exist 

 near a place like East London and not have been found before? 

 In any case, the fossil Coelacanths had all been pretty small 

 fishes, 8 or 10 inches or i foot long — this fish was 5 feet long, 

 enormously greater than any known before. The trend of evolu- 

 tion was normally towards smaller size, the giants had mostly 

 gone. Yes, everything was against its really being a Coelacanth. 

 From almost every aspect it seemed impossible, the answer 

 must be 'No' ; and yet every time I took out that sketch, it said 

 Tes', emphatically 'Yes'. 



I have been asked why I did not rush off at once to East London 

 when such a wonderful thing lay there waiting. Apart from my 

 examination commitments, I could never quite bring my mind to 

 accept that it could possibly be true. It was too fantastic. Then, 

 as the insides had been lost beyond recall and the rest was safely 

 mounted, or being mounted, there was no longer any great urgency. 

 Thirdly, I didn't want to go until I had girded up my mind to 

 the stage where I felt I could face the situation if it did prove to be 

 true. I was afraid to go then, really afraid, and I am not at all 

 ashamed to say so. I wanted to put off going to look at it until I 

 had built up a reserve of inner strength to stand the terrific 

 strain it would mean if it were true. If I found that I could call 

 it a Coelacanth, or something like one, I expected to have to 

 endure an initial storm of scorn and disbelief from the whole 

 world of science until all the facts could be given to prove it was 

 so ; and that would not be easy to face. So I remained at Knysna, 

 worry and lack of sleep stripping still more flesh from my skinny 

 frame, my mind never away from that fish and East London. 



On or about the 7th January I wrote a cautious letter to K. H. 

 Barnard to tell him something of my belief, but requesting him to 

 treat the matter as strictly confidential and not to mention it to 

 anybody else.* Barnard's reply to that first letter of mine was as 



• The disturbed state of my mind at that time is revealed by the recent dis- 

 covery that I apparently did not keep copies of my letters to Barnard from 

 Knysna about the Coelacanth. I have written to Dr. Barnard asking for those 

 letters in order to reproduce them here, but he has replied that they are not in 

 the Museum files and that it must be assumed that they were destroyed. The 

 dates and contents of my letters to Barnard quoted here are therefore compiled 

 partly from his letters in reply and partly from memory. 



