90 



Durban due to leave soon, all our enormous volume of baggage 

 and valuable collections to be cared for, and Christmas holidays 

 just on us. My mind rebelled. I was already unutterably weary, 

 and the weakness that plagues us all urged me to throw the whole 

 thing away and leave it alone. It welled up like a flood, and 

 heaven knows there was enough excuse. This really threatened 

 to overwhelm me, largely because I realised it would be necessary, 

 absolutely necessary, to ask things of others, something that 

 always makes you vulnerable, and I was deadly tired. What a 

 situation ! But I have faced many, and knew that I could not give 

 up, I must go on. I had to remind myself that there was a lot 

 more in this than my own personal feelings, it had long since 

 passed beyond that. It was a matter of national prestige, for the 

 whole Coelacanth affair was South African, everything in it was 

 tied up with South Africa. It was our responsibility and our mis- 

 fortune that my wife and I alone at that time realised the full 

 implication, and that it was my obligation to go on with it. I had 

 to go on even if it killed me in trying to do it, and when I said so 

 to my wife, as my partner in this venture she calmly agreed with 

 that view. I had to go on. 



Our old friend Dr. George Campbell stayed to lunch, and it 

 was a comfort to have him near. Captain Smythe had heard that 

 something had happened and came over to our table for a time, 

 when I gave him a brief outline of the situation and my predica- 

 ment. He at once offered all possible help, and meant it. When he 

 had gone I turned again to the meal, seeing and hearing nothing, 

 my mind far away. The others realised my abstraction and went on 

 quietly discussing the matter, leaving me to my thoughts, and I 

 ate, absently, at least I believe I ate, for I sat on, isolated, my mind 

 going round and round. Malan, the Prime Minister; H'm! Prime 

 Minister; Smuts; H'm ! I became quite oblivious to my surround- 

 ings, my mind went drifting off and back to that other time, and 

 I went through it all again, as vivid as when it actually happened, 

 yes. . . . 



