HARDWOOD RECORD 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



Maud of the Muck Eake. 



Maud Muller on a snmMu-r-, dav 

 Itaked the meadow sv i . i «iiii im 

 Iler pa was not a miin mi «r;iiiii. 

 All that she had wa- :ii^L-.d li.altli. 

 Sighing, she said: "i niiiniHuI i1m' luck. 

 I think rU go to rakiiii; muck." 

 Because she toiled a wild uniest 

 And an eager longing filled her breast. 

 "Why should I have to work," she cried, 

 "While others scorn me in their pride? 

 "With riches they have never earned 

 "Their backs on me are proudly turned. 

 "The good Lord never planned things so 

 "There's something rotten here below. 

 "An Ida Tarbell I will be 

 "And whack the plutocrats," said she. 

 The .ludge appeared upon the scene, 



lie 



She was plump, and he liked her style. 



Slic knew (hat he possessed a wad : 



lie thoij-ht: "How sweet a name is Maud: 



lie spoke of railroad stock he had; 



The maiden listened and was glad. 



"In two .vears, if my luck is fair," 



lie said. "I'll be a millionaire. 



■T ii:i\ri "II ii;i.~r. iiir.iii-ii the land" — 



-M:n'.( ... II .im't that grand ! 



■No matter how 1 got the same." 

 ••Now, tell me, Maud, and tell me 

 "Don't I look rather good to you ? 



Today she i- ■ i . :^. ,(•■ 



And lives in -i .. i. ... .- life. 

 And oft she w.ii.il. i- in h. pride 

 Why people can't be satisfied. 



"Why," she complains, "do critics pitch 

 "So foolishly into the rich? 

 "Why do they ever scold or sigh 

 "Because the things they need are high? 



■Wise I'rovidence has planned affairs. 

 "We rich, alas, have many cares. 

 "But while we nobly bear "the strain, 

 "Why should the ones below complain?" 

 Of all wise words, the best by far 

 Is : "Take things meekly as they are. " 



I — Chicago Record-Herald. 



Home From The Annual 



Assistance Galore. 



Show a disposition to 



be an easy mark and 



everybody will help 



you make 





The Cynic. 



cynic is a person 



knows he is the 



thing, and sees 



all others are 



Ply imitations. 



Seldom Fooled. 

 A girl often refuses 

 because she 

 feels sure he will soon 

 propose again. 



Genius. 



Qius consists in do- 

 right thing 



Seek Respect. 



nspire respect for 

 yourself and confidence 

 in the goods you sell If 



Don't Worry. 



come each day. 



cheerful 

 provi 

 and 



Just make the most 



And bear your troul 



And jest at Fate whene'er she 



Remembering she's 



her mind. 



To enjoy the present — this appears to be 

 The aim and end of all philosophy. 

 So let's remember 'twas a wise man said 

 "Live while we may ; we'll be a long time dead 1 



Would Spoil It AU. 



"Maybe your husband objects to your going 

 to that summer lesort because he thinks you 

 might flirt with some of the men there. Why 

 don't you tell him there are no people there but 

 women and girls?" 



"If I do that he will insist on going, too, at 



Business Is Business. 



rhe government licenses a man to distill 

 whisky ; then the courts license other men to 

 sell it ; then the municipalities employ police- 

 men to run in the men who drink it ; then the 

 judge who srants the license sentences the men 

 who drink the liquor to go to jail ; and the men 

 who make it and the men who sell it point with 

 pride to the business that grows out of the man- 

 ufacture and sale. 



