HARDWOOD RECORD 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



Bye and Bye. 



The photographer hail i 



try the other day. ■'B.- \ ■ i 

 picters?" she asked. 11' ,1.11. 



"Can you make pictii- -1 iml 



••Certninly." 



"And what do you charge for 

 next query. 



"Three dollars a dozen." 



"Oh. shucks !" said the woma: 

 pointed tone, ■hei-e I'll have to 

 year, for I've only got eleven." 



The Woods. 



Into the 



ray Master went 

 Clean forspent, forspent. 

 Into the woods my Master came 

 Forspent with love and shame, 

 lint the olives were not blind to Him. 

 The little gray leaves were kind to Hit 

 The thorn tree had a mind to Him, 

 When into the woods He came. 



I lilt of the wood.s my Master went. 

 And He was well content. 

 Out of the woods my Master came 

 Content with death and shame. 

 When Death and Shame would woo 

 From under the trees they drew Him 

 "rwas on a tree they slew Him last. 

 When out of the woods He came. 



-Sidney Lanier. 



Cruel! 



"Did you ever find a 

 man under the bed?" 



"Yes, the night we 

 had burglars in the 

 house I found my hus- 



End of Vacation Season. 



Rarely. 

 A man who pays 

 strictly to his own busi- 

 seldom has a head- 

 ache the next morning. 



Sharpening His Tools. 

 The chap who always 

 agrees with you has an 

 ax to grind. 





A Toast. 

 Here's to the land we 

 .ve— and here's to the 

 v w lind 



Men in Society. 



in rolite society wom- 



1 dj most of the talb- 



ig since men are 



fl nteie ted in 



1 t machs — 



A Ciance 



rt 1 u a girl s hair is 

 i( 1 she couldn't get 

 t in the night that's 

 • time to C1II her 

 ,htl\ blonde and get 

 leputit on with her 

 being a man who 

 iajs tells the truth. 



Poor Policy. 



H I eople who say 

 1 It tl e^ think have 

 do a lot of explain- 

 ig atteiward 



Rjslied With Business 

 Cupid IS the archi- 

 tect of a good many 

 tir castles The chief 

 tiouble with love's 

 ^oung dream is that it 

 1^ only a dream 



It s tough to have to leave sport like this to go back to the lumber office. 



After an Absence. 

 \\ lej How mother 

 1 I changed I don't 

 luite like the way she 

 lookb do vou dear? 



Hubby No my love, 

 I never did 



Would Fall Down. 



Many a man who 

 thinks he could steer 

 the Sh p of State 

 couldn t run a wheel- 

 bairow while many 

 anothei who is merely 

 a good guesser and can 

 keep his mouth shut, 

 poses as a statesman ! 



A Smile or Two. 



Laird : Well, Sandy, you are getting very 

 bent. Why don't you stand straight up like 

 me, man ? 



Sandy : Eh, mon, do you see that field a' corn 

 ever there? 



"I do." 



"Weei, ye'U 

 down, and the 

 News. 



ntlce that the full holds hang 

 jipty ones stand up." — Glasgow 



Twilight. 



-Jwilight. 



-\ forest shrouded lake : 



The soothing, greyish gloom of evening-fall ; 



Deep, elfin shadows of dream-haunted trees — 



Sweet, somber solitude. 

 Mid moist leaf odors, creeping through the woods, 

 Uise Indolent, thought-laden wreaths of smoke — 

 Lifting, wraith-like, into the dusk. 



And filling all the silence. 



— Thos. H. Cizell. 



■Which Was It? 



"Look here." he 



The governor was puzzled, 

 aid, turning to his private secretary, "can you 

 3II me whether this note comes from my tailor 

 r my Icaal adviser? They're both named 



Th( 



> was as follows : 



begun your suit. Keady to be tried 

 sday. Come in. — Brown." — Toledo 



