HARDWOOD RECORD 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



A single man who died one day 

 Straightway to heayen went ; 



St. Peter barred the gates, they say. 

 And elsewhere had him sent. 



The next man had been married, 

 So they let him in the gate : 



"Becanse," said Pete, "a married mai 

 Has suffered torments great." 



The next man said, "I must come In 

 For I was married twice." 



St. Peter said, "Get out, you stiff. 

 No room for fools in paradise !" 



Captured. 

 Her arms were soft and 



He said. 

 And that is why he lost 



His head. 



He really can't be blamec 



A speck — 

 Her arms were soft 



His neck. 



and round, 



EXCHA 



Another Version, 

 ilary had a little Lamb. 



He was her steady Beau : 

 And everywhere that Marv went 

 The Lamb put up the dough ! 



— The Philistine. 



StiU Another. 



ary had a little lamb. 

 This fact you've heard before : 

 ut have you heard she passed her plate 

 And bad a little more? 



— LIPPIXCOTT'S. 



Summer roses : 



Summer girls ; 

 Summer poses ; 



Summer curls : 

 Revelations 



On the beach ; 

 Wild flirtations 



With a peach ; 

 Bathers daily 



Wade or float ; 

 Idiots gayly 



Rock the boat. 

 Sunburn, freckles — 



Just a few 

 Piquant speckles — 



Peek-a-boo 

 Waists mysterious ; 



Moon and stars , 

 Swift, delirious 



Motor cars ; 

 'Tis the season 



Just for rhyme 

 Without reason — 



Summer time. 

 — Washington Ti.mes. 



Mat; Fair Weather Attend. 



•Won't 0-sra It. 



Many married wo- 

 men who ijrofess to 

 pity " old maids ' ' 

 secretly envy them. 



And Succeed! 



Some people squan- 

 der a lot of monej' 

 trying to make fools 

 of themselves. 



Wouldn't Be Safe. 



No man on earth 

 would want his 

 friends to know what 

 he knows about him- 

 self. 



Deeds are better 

 than words — for let- 

 ters may go to the 

 jury- 



Senile Dementia. 



Love is like the 

 measles — the older 

 the patient the worse 

 the case. 



A Celebrity. 



Sophomore (air- 

 ily) ; Yes, I suppose 

 I 'in one of the most 

 prominent fellows iu 

 college! 



Venerable Visitor: 

 Indeed! What capac- 

 ity? 



Sophomore (proud- 

 ly) : Eighteen beers, 

 eleven cocktails and 

 six whisky straights! 



Also Defies Them. 



Not only love of 

 woman but love of 

 Kraft laughs at lock- 

 smiths. 



Definition. 



A thief is any man 

 who robs you outside 

 of trusts, legislatures 

 and city halls. 



As Young as She • 



Looks. 



Years count for 



nothing nowadays; a 



arteries, but a woman 

 is onlv as old as her 

 art. 



Can Be Cultivated. 

 A man's idea of a 

 good conscience is 

 one that enables him 

 to forget everything 

 prejudicial to his own 

 interests. 



Amended Inspection Rules of the National Hardwood Lumber Association again go a-sailing. 



Two Reasons. 



Inconstancy in wo- 

 lau is due to levity; 



A Poor Agent. 



Credit is the agent 

 that helps a man to 

 keep in debt. 



The Spendthrift. 



I. 

 Into my great inheritance 



I came wiien I was young : 

 1 spent It freely with both hands ; 



I mocked, with jeering tongue, 

 At those who sorrowfully said, 



"Beware ! The end is near !" 

 And, drunk with riches, shook my head. 



Regarding not their fear. 



My stricken hillsides, stark and nude. 



Stand shivering in the gale. 

 Down to the sea my teeming soli 



The guerdon of the farmers' toil 

 With each year lesser grows. 



Lord ! Of Thy bounty heedless still. 

 My store of good I spend ; 



Thy brimming cup I careless spill, 

 Regarding not the end. 



My riches melt away like snow 



IV. 



O stay my sinful hand and lend 



My falfring heart Thine aid. 

 That these my spendthrift days may end 



And at Thy feet be laid. 

 The will to show the past retrieved. 



Try gifts renewed, restored. 

 That I have spent what I received, 



Thy pardon grant, O Lord ! 



— Forestry and iRracATiON. 



