■^ ^m^^^^Kmmiiimmmmmimim^&--i:i'iS':iwyssitiiim 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent 



How Differently It Looks Now! 



\VliiU' sitting idly ilriMiiiiii- in my urti,-,. clKiir 'I'iir j;n'at nccumulafiun of l.nv ;;ni(l(; stock 



io-(iay. would go 



.My Ihoiislits are rovinf.' l>;uU\vai(l iu a rolici- Ami in its placp we'd sulistituti/ a I'air sized 



spective way. biinoh of dough. 



.\ncl 1 poudei- ovei- cliau.ii:es that the pi-escnt year So cars were spotted on the Iracks and loaded 



has wrought, to the hrini, 



Ami wonder if we himhermen an' pIi'msimI with .\nd every man without a joli we i|uiikly I'n./c 



what it hrought. to him. 



■\Vhi'U 1012 came rushing in, I he Presidential The wheels of industry began to move around 



year, and round 



We felt 'twas wise to travel slow, a jianic might Wlicn the shipping culls were in thi' piles ami 



be near. mill culls on the ground. 

 ■We trembled, sad affrighted al caili unusual 



sound, 



r.ut soon our order books were lilled and stocks 



were getting low. 

 The higher that the prices were the faster it 



A\'e sold stock under eontratt and chuckled at would go, 



each sale, Tntil in desperation and with no relief iu sight 



lieli^hted wlien fat orders came slipping in by We made a rule to add a dollar to each price 



mail. ~ i-ach ni^'ht. 



When shii)]ung culls were in the piles and mill 

 ■nils on the ground. 



lint still the orders Hooded us, our yard was get- 

 ting hare. 



The Yard Man soon reported "'No low grade any- 

 where." 



We mourn about low contracts by which we're 

 tightly bound, 



I'oi- no shipping culls are in the piles or mill 

 culls on the grouud. 



(uir wives say we have nightmares on each suc- 

 ceeding night, 



nnr mutterings and grumblings would give Old 

 Nick a fright. 



We growl (and maybe something worse) about 

 the stock we've sold 



'I'oo early at low prices, we weep to see the gold 



That might have filled our coffers with that good 

 old clinking sound 



11" our shipping culls were still in pile and mill 

 cidls on the ground. .1. S. li. 



THE TRUE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT— NOT 



%<ff^^4r^^' 



y <>. 



hi 



mo 



.r 1 



Once upon a time the producer looked 

 realized, however, that he can't keep th< 

 uth curves the other way, 



A Fair Exchange 



Father, won't .A'ou bn,\' me a watch for 

 istmas?" 



What do you want a w,ateh for, my Imy?" 

 I want to swap it with llill.v Wiggins for one 

 pups," 



Barred from Lumber Associations 



1 bear ,Jones is iu tin- hunber l)nsiuess." 



Yes. on rather a small scale," 



How's that?" 



He's peddling toothpicks." 



A G-allant Answer 

 You seem to be an able-bodied man. You 

 bt to be strong enough to work." 

 1 know, mum. And \'ou seem to be beautiful 



like the above gentleman with the whiskers, and 

 e "Missus" and reindeer fat and warm without a 



enough to go on the stage, but evidently you 

 I^refer the simple life," 



After that speech he got a square meal and 

 no reference to the wood pile. — The Mcililli i. 



Spoiled Her Secret 



"My first husband and 1 kei.t cur uuirringe a 



secret for nearly a year." 



"Didn't you find it rather difficult ';" 



"Oh, no, not at all, VCr could h,ive gone on 



for a much longer time if' the horrilUe re|)iu-ters 



hadn't been snooping around when I applied fiu- 



my dl\-orce." 



Plenty of Them 



Lawyer — "You claim to be a college graduate. 

 Can you prove you have been given any degree';" 



the buyer took all that was coming. Santa 

 little profit on his goods — now the buyer's 



I'risoner — "Yes, sir: Ihe third degree." — Balti- 

 ■imtrc American. 



Followed Host's Advice 



-Mr. I'igg is allcigelber loo literal." 



"How so 7" 



"The last time he was at my house I told him 

 to make himself thoroughly at home, and in 

 less than five minutes he had quarreled with 

 my wife, kicked the cat out of doors, discharged 

 the cook, s[>anked the baby and told me I was a 

 fool," — 3'i(-«i/.v. 



When a man lakes his wife to the theater 

 he thinks it's up to him to go out between the 

 acts and telephone home to see if the house Is 

 slill there. 



—21— 



