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Pertn Pertinent and Impertinent 



Joaquiu Miller's Great Poem 



Could I but rot urn to my woods once more. 



And dwell in their depths as I have dwelt. 



Kneel in their mosses as I have knelt. 



Sit where the eool white rivers run. 



Away from the world and half hid from the sun. 



Hear wind in the woods of my storm-torn shore. 

 Glad to the heart with listening — 

 It seems to me that I then could sing. 



And sing as I never have ^ung before. 



I miss, how wholly I miss, my wood, 



ily matchless, magnificent, dark-leaved firs, 

 That ciimb up the terrible heights of Hood, 



Wlirr-' i>nly ih-- Iircaih of white h.-iiviii stir> : 

 Those Alps Ihey are barren: wrapi)4'd in stnrnis 

 Formless masses of 'I'itan forms. 

 They loom like ruins of a grr.udeur gone. 

 And lonesome as death to look upon. 



O God I once more in my life to liear 



The voice of a wood that is loud and alive, 



That stirs with its being like a vast beehive 1 



And oh, once more in my life to see 



The great bright oyes of the anilored deer! 



T'- sing with the birds that sing for me. 



To tread where only tne rod man trod. 



To *:ay no word, but listen to God I 



HARDWOOD SITUATION 



A Character 

 The heart of life is hid from him; 



Ho has no ear for overtones. 

 No eye for blended hues or dim : 

 Therefore he learns a name for each, 



Doclsets our laughter and our moans, 

 And hurries forth to judge and teach — 

 The heart of life is hid from him. 



— Brian Hooker. 

 Oh I.awd ef yo think we's had snow enuff, 



Will yuusc please tell the snow to quit snowin' 

 But if yo' doan think we's had all we needs, 

 .Tes forgive us. O Lawd. fer complainin'. 



—T. J. N. 



Made Him Sick 



Here is a conversation overheard iu the ele- 

 vator of a New York skyscraper between a fussy 

 old lady and the runner ; 



"Don't you ever feel sick going up and down 

 on this elevator all day?" was the solicitous 

 woman's lirst question. 



"Tes'm," courteously replied the elevator boy. 



"Is it the motion of the going down?" she 

 wanted to know. 



"No'm," answered the boy. 



"The going up?" she continued. 



"Xo'm," he again replied. 



Both producer and consumer must stop their leaks if the tank is ever again to be filled. 



she per- 



"Is it the stopping that does it'; 

 sisted. 

 "No'm." 



"Then wh.nt is it?" 

 ".^nswerin' questions, M.i'am." 



Consoling 



"You will be the victlin of 



"Good gracious !'' 



"Calm yourself. It won't happen 

 end of your life." — Peie Mele. 



"Promises, like pie-crusts, are easily broken,' 

 said a philosopher. But he said it before 

 railway lunch-counter pie was invented. 



fatal accident.' 



until the 



the 



A Fair Exchange 



The little l)oy sat by the roadside idly poking 

 the warm dust with his bare toes. When the 

 big man came along the little boy looked up 

 and said : 



"Mister, is this your park?" 



"What'll you gimme for it?" quizzed the big 

 man. 



"Fourteen bunnerd thousan' milyun dollars," 

 replied the little bo.v. 



"All right," smiled the big man ; "Just take 

 it right along with you." — Youngstoion Tele- 

 yram. 



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