HARDWOOD RECORD 



It 



Verts Pertinent and Impertinent, 



strange. 

 Pity the lonely bachelors — 



Victims o( Fate's mishaps : 



The only ideal girls they find 



Are wives of other chaps ! 



— W. 



OF O. 



The Family's Occupation. 

 Mother's in a carriage. 



Daughter's dressed to kill. 

 Son is playing rouge et noir 



And father pays the bill. 



WASHIXGTOX ST.iR. 



A Lump of Logic. 



The time to quit (it seems to me 



This truth is past denying) 

 ttur advertising ought to be 



When all the world quits buying. 



— XixoN Waterman. 



Once in a While. 

 It occasionally hap- 

 pens that the great- 

 est truth is told by 

 the biggest liar. 



Worth Remembering 



It is worth bear- 

 ing in mind that the 

 lioness does not con- 

 sider the lion the 

 king of beasts. 



A Man's Idea. 



An evil coninuini- 

 cation is a written 

 statement from your 

 wife 's dressmaker. 



Wisdom. 



It 's often wiser to 

 forgive an enemy 

 than to wear one or 

 both eyes in mourn- 

 ing. 



Their Choice. 



Some people 's own 

 business so bores 

 them that they pre- 

 fer other people 's. 



A Dry World. 



If there was noth- 

 ing but wisdom on 

 tap, what a dry old 

 world this would be. 



Don't Overdo It. 



To have a good 

 opinion of oneself is 

 all right, but many 

 people overdo the 

 thing. 



The World's Tongue 

 Men outrage ev- 

 ery law of the world 

 and are afraid of 

 the world 's tongue. 

 What cowards we 

 are! 



The Wise Lumberman. 



A Good Label. 



Advice: To be 

 well shaken before 

 being taken. 



"Yon can 

 purposes, bat 



talk about your mining stocks, town lots and life insurance for investment 

 American forest trees are grood enough for me." 



Debt. 



A man may run 

 into debt, but he in- 

 variably has to 

 crawl out. 



The Ideal Woman. 



It's peculiar how 

 the ideal woman is 

 invariably married 

 to some one else. 



He Never Knows. 

 A lumberman nev- 

 er knows how really 

 mean he is until he 

 runs for alderman. 



■Very True. 

 The man who is 

 his own worst ene- 

 my is usually on 

 friendly terms with 

 manv bartenders. 



Good Women. 

 It takes a thor- 

 oughly good woman 

 to do a thoroughly 

 stupid thing. 



Life. 



Life is far too im- 

 portant a thing to 

 be discussed seri- 

 ously. 



Few of Us. 



The man who is a 

 hero in the sight of 

 his wife is a lucky 

 dog. 



An Important Fact. 

 Some men would 

 rather be in polities 

 than be right. 



A Cynic. 



The cynic is a man who knows the price 

 of everything and the value of nothing. 



Lacks Time. 



The move industrious a man is, the less 

 time he has to act meanly. 



Temptation. 



Jlost everybody can resist everything save 

 temptation. 



The Knocker. 



Even the most pronounced knocker never 

 uses his little hammer to nail lies. 



■Very True. 

 There is no man so busy that he doesn 't 

 find time to make an occasional mistake. 



Their Fun. 

 Think what an astounding pleasure it 

 affords your heirs when you save money. 



Think About It. 



All fishermen may be liars, but all lum- 

 bermen arc not fishermen. 



Sad But True. 



Cleverness often has to take a back seat 

 for common sense. 



Needs a Tonic. 



Every once in a while every man 's mo- 

 rality needs agood strong tonic. 



