HARDWOOD RECORD 



II 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



The Irish Quaker. 

 Let us fill up once more to Mo(_"ormick, 

 He's a jovial, gcod-hearted wight : 



'Tho he cuss you 'fei' fair. 



There's no cause for a scare. 

 Since bis bark is lots worse than his bite! 



SOME C H KI ST M A S TOASTS. 



The Pride of Memphis. 

 Drink 'em down once again to Jess Thompson, 

 (^I'iopatra's descendant Is he ; 



He's a chap of fine parts, 



And a smasher of hearts. 

 Like his lovely ancestress, you see ! 



The Bard of Oshkosh. 



Just pause for a moment while one more we quaCF 

 To ihat lustrious lumberman William WagstatC ; 



He's a poet, by gosh ! 



And he lives in Oshkosh ; 

 May he live till he's written his own epitaph ! 



Approval. 



Every time you 

 agree with a man he 

 applauds your good 

 judgment. 



IS a man 



pro- 

 for 



A Genius. 



A genius 

 who can coax 

 other fellow to 

 pel his 

 him. 



Men and Boys. 



There are lots of 

 small boys and fully 

 as many ' ' small ' ' 



Duo of Talent. 

 Courage and cau- 

 tion comprise a 

 splendid working: 

 team. 



Not Chums. 

 Mirth and t li o 

 blues are never on 

 good terms. 



Easy Money. 



The money tliat 

 comes easy is hard to 

 keep. 



True. 



Some men believe 

 everything they hear, 

 others believe noth- 

 ing; both are equally 

 foolish. 



Beware. 

 Beware of the man 

 who thinks he owns 

 the earth; he may 

 try to unload a 

 chunk of it on you. 



■What Tells. 



It is not what you 

 know, but what you 

 can make other peo- 

 ple believe you know 

 that counts. 



THE HARDWOOD BUSINESS OF 1905. 



pEC. 190f! 



TTIT r— 



DOGTORyirnSE 



Hardwood liUmbertuan : 

 cominer. 



It's been a pretty fair year, I thank yon, and I've no kick 



It Pays. 



It pays to adver- 

 tise — even the car- 

 penter puts d e - 

 pendence on his adze. 



Costly. 

 Laziness is the 

 costliest thing in the 

 world. 



Crooked. 

 Some men 's nat- 

 ural bent seems to be 

 fashioned after a 

 corkscrew. 



Allied. 



Hustling and hap- 

 piness are closely al- 

 lied. 



Most Boys. 

 When a boy is 18, 

 he wonders if he will 

 ever be as ignorant 

 as his father. 



Unfortunate. 



It is unfortunate 

 that renovating a 

 man does not regen- 

 erate him. 



The Boot. 

 Incompatibility of 

 finances is the root of 

 a good many divorce 

 cases. 



Just Figuring. 

 The only differ- 

 ence between an un- 

 dertaker and a fu- 

 neral director is in 

 their methods of fig- 

 uring. 



The Difference. 



The difference be- 

 tween a saint and a 

 sinner is that every 

 saint has a past and 

 every sinner a future. 



Let Her Talk. 

 Don't waste words when talking to a 

 woman; cut your stories short and let her 

 talk. 



Few, Indeed. 

 Few men are blacker than they are 

 painted, or whiter than they are white- 

 washed. 



Two Kinds. 



There are said to be two classes of 

 women — those who like fine clothes, and 

 those who are dead. 



Good Sense. 



Ask any price for lumber you like — it 's 

 your lumber — but represent it just as it is; 

 that's business, and it's honest. 



Often. 



There is often a good deal more business 

 in a church than there is religion in a place 

 of business. 



Did It? 



Did it ever occur to you that nearly all 

 the essays on the art of acquiring wealth 

 are written by impecunious newspaper meni 



