HARDWOOD RECORD 



i^ 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



The Finish. 

 "The lips that touch beer, or whisky, or wiue," 

 She firmly answered, "shall never touch mine !" 

 And this is why a certain booze fighter 

 Reformed and married his blonde typewriter. 



Ji'.st Smile. 



^VIleu Gverythiug goes crooked. 



.\nd seems inclined to rile : 

 Uont kick nor fuss nor fidget ; 



.Tust — you — smile '. 



Retrospective. 



"There are no birds in last year's nests,* 

 No dollar bills In last year's vests ; 

 And 'tisn't wise to hope that "scads" 

 Will still flow in from last year's "ads.' 



Value of Obedience. 

 To command 

 should be granted to 

 no man until he has 

 learned to obey. 



What's Ahead. 

 The past is incon- 

 sequential and the 

 present of no impor- 

 tance; it is with the 

 future we have to 

 deal. 



Lake Action. 



Men who pay as 

 they go are often 

 very slow travelers. 



A Good Brand. 

 A good brand of 

 charity is considera- 

 tion for ethers. 



Something to Learn. 



No man knows all 

 that is worth know- 

 ing about his busi- 

 ness. 



Not Always. 



It is not always 



the man with the 



highest forehead who 



has the most brains. 



Good Time. 



Now is a good 

 time to quit talking 

 about making honest 

 grades and make 

 them. 

 The Liar's Habit. 



If a liar accident- 

 ally tells the truth, 

 he usually tries to lie 

 out of it. 



Remember. 



■Wouldn't It? 



If some men were 

 paid according to 

 their worth, starva- 

 tion would be their 

 fate. 



A Good Partner. 



Every-day common 

 sense is a pretty good 

 business partner. 



Once At Least. 



Once in every 

 man's life he has an 

 ambition to become 

 an inventor. 



The Ending. 



The man who is al- 

 ways about to do a 

 lot of great things 

 ends up by doing a 

 few very small ones. 



Procrastination. 



A lifetime job 

 comes to him who 

 waits for something 

 to turn up. 



Wisdom. 



It is the part of 

 wisdom to settle a 

 quarrel before you 

 begin it. 



Don't Go Far. 



The man who rides 

 a hobby never gets 

 far from home. 



Sure. 



It is the wise em- 

 ployer who knows 

 how to do things he 

 employs others to do. 



Usually. 



Doing nothing is 

 very likely to amount 

 to doing wrong. 



The Work of Fools. 



Fools make the 

 world that wise men 

 may live in it. 



It's the last straw that breaks the camel's hack ! 



Not Wise. 

 It is not wise to 

 tTy to be anybody 

 but yourself. 



Respect for the Kicker. 

 The world has the reputation of loving 

 a peaceful man, but it always gives the 

 right of way to a vigorous kicker. 



Gospel. 



Educate your trade to the value of good 

 grades; gaining trade by cut prices and in- 

 ferior inspection usually involves a largo 

 degree of misrepresentation. 



Discretion. 

 Discretion is the art of being on the 

 other end of the telephone when you call 

 a man a liar. 



The Eight Way. 



When you write to a man, read your let- 

 ter carefully and then mail it; when you 

 write to a woman, read it carefully, then 

 burn it. 



Life. 

 Everything is believed by the old; every- 

 thing suspected by the middle-aged; and 

 everything known by the young. 



Sure. 



When you have never heard a man 's 

 name in the course of your life, it speaks 

 volumes for him; he must be eminently re- 

 spectable. 



